Thursday, October 23, 2008

Jimmy Olson

There is very little left to watch on network broadcast Television. For me, it comes down to Heroes and The office. Yes, Yes, 30 Rock is terribly funny. However, The Office, now in its fourth season, has reached its stride. It is skull cracking funny, witty and warm all at once.

Other than DVDs from Netflix and waiting for the final ten episodes of Battlestar in January, that's all I watch.

Well, sorta.

Secretly, embarrassingly, I have to confess to one additional network series that we watch. Yes, after 8 seasons, We are still watching Smallville. I know! I know!! The show should have ended four seasons ago. It should not still be on the air. The last three seasons have been miserably horrible. Dismal. Wretched.

And while this season has shown a creative upturn in the narrative, I still cannot recommend it to ANYONE. so, really, don't watch it.

But yet, we watch it.

As we did, once again, tonight.

Clark Kent is not quite Superman; though, he is like 45 years old...

But at least, all of the peripheral characters are gone. Young Lex has quit the show. Lex's apocryphal dad is dead. Clark's parents are gone, and his non-Lois love interest is gone. Clark is now at the Daily Planet, and he hangs out with Lois lane and Jimmy Olson. The Story has finally almost "gotten there."

Which leads me to the point.

No, see, the point isn't Smallville, nor is it even Jimmy Olson, as the title suggests. No, this post is about Jimmy's newspaper-photographer equipment.

See, tonight, Jimmy was taking pictures of some monster thing that Clark had to fight with a tire... Long explanation, not relevant...

So, Jimmy is blazing away in a dark alley with his digital SLR rig, fat lens and blazing flash. I wait, of course, for Jimmy to turn toward the TV camera for the necessary product placement, which he obediently does, and provides a slow close-up shot of the Nikon emblem on his camera.

Then, Mrs. G&T, in her own precious way, looks over at me and says: "so, is his flash better than yours?"

Which, in fact, causes me to grimace. I scowl and twitch because, goddamn it, the honest answer to her question is: "Yes!!"

MOTHERFUCKER!!

Yes. Jimmy Olson shoots Nikon. I shoot Canon. And everyone in the know, knows that Nikon makes better flashes. Their flashes are more advanced and more flexible. Their camera bodies have advantages with insanely high ISO speeds, advanced noise reduction and impressive live-view capability.

Canon? Well, Canon makes better lenses. Which really is the point. The camera exists for the lens. It's all about the glass. Which is really the reason I shoot Canon, and not Nikon.

Well, sorta.

The fact is, I'm a Canon snob. My grandfather put an SLR camera in my hands for the first time when I was 12, and it was a Canon. Every professional photographer that I've ever known, save one recent one, has shot Canon. I Love Canon. I visit the Canon products home page more often that I look at porn.

Now look, it is entirely irrational. I get it. I know! It makes no sense, and I cannot defend it, but the bottom line, raw truth is, I hate Nikon. I hate it. I hate the product line. I hate the company. I want it to fail. I get angry every time I go to Costco and see some sad schmuck with his shitty Nikon D40 box popping out of his cart.

I hate Nikon advertising in my photo magazines. I hate Nikon product placement in my television shows. I belong to the quiet and confident Canon family, and the blood-thirsty zombie Nikon Hottentots are at the gate.

It's a sickness, really. An obsession, but Nikon must die. Die Damn you! Die!!

Perhaps if I were Superman, I could save the world from the evils of Nikon. for now, though, I must simply stew in my own seething hatred.

16 comments:

  1. Lucky Red7:29 AM

    I always knew you had a Superman complex...you should really see a professional about it

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  2. Cannon 10D with a 100mm macro lense and a macro ring lite mr-14Ex flash.

    But I'll stop talking about my camera now because it makes me sound...well, gay.

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  3. I have a simple little camera, but it gets to go EVERYWHERE.

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  4. Superman...reminds me of someone's thong in the Ladies of the Lounge Calendar...

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  5. Anonymous8:37 AM

    Inog, even in your bung hole?

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  6. While I admit that Nikon's flashes have some features I'd like to see on my Canon flash, I disagree that Nikon cameras are superior. In fact, Canon has had the top spot in Professional SLR's for the last 6 years. Just look at the sports photographers on the sideline of any pro sports game...see all those white lenses...those are Canon's baby! Professionally, I wouldn't touch a Nikon, though they seem to be much better at product placement. Just my 2 cents.

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  7. I love you, Bill, in a non-gay way!

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  8. You expect us to believe it's in a non-gay way...come on!

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  9. Non-Gay? That's not what you said the last time I was in Portland.

    Can I have my 2 cents back...this economy sucks!

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  10. Girls (well, and boys, too), I know you all sometimes wonder WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE SEE IN HIM? I MEAN REALLY? THERE MUST BE SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW. WHY WOULD ANY SELF-RESPECTING WOMAN BEAR CHILDREN FOR A GAY, GIN-SWILLING, PORN-ADDICTED, GEEK, HEATHEN LAWYER? IT'S NOT THE MONEY. IT'S NOT THE LOOKS. WE'VE ALL SEEN HIM NAKED. WHAT THE HELL?

    Well, here's an answer. There's something irresistable about a man who can feel that deeply and passionately about a belief. A belief in a camera, OK, sure (or in a rule about tattoed boobs or a brand of scotch).

    And, I'll own the Superman thong. I had a superhero thing long before I met CannonMan.

    Have a good trip, Snookums.

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  11. Um, thanks Dear, I think...

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  12. can I vote now for comment of the year?....

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  13. No doubt. Best comment. And Mrs. G&T, you had me at superhero thong . . .

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  14. Mrs. G&T, Brian believes passionately about Santa too.

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  15. Brian's subconscious9:58 AM

    "I hate [theotherguy]."

    I chose this so I hate that.

    Someone is apparently only watching Battlestar for the special effects.

    Oh yeah. Fvck Shittle.

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  16. It has been suggested to me that Ev only wants me for my equipment. I'm just saying.

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Be compelling.

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