Tuesday, February 28, 2006

It's All Inside

I was once a subscriber to Details Magazine. (You know, back before it was gay.)

Don't get me wrong. I fully support the right of the gay community to have its own gay-men's fashion magazine. Just like hillbillies should have magazines about NASCAR and incest.

My only problem is, they made the change during the middle of my subscription. See, at that time, Details was like Maxim, but without all the Beavis-grade humor. Maybe it was more like Playboy, but with out the nudity. Either way, it was a swell read.

And then, one day, it stopped arriving. I was only about three months into my subscription, and it just disappeared. A few months later I received a letter from the publisher saying that they were "redesigning Details to sharpen its focus." (Whatever the hell that meant.) So I waited, and several more months later the first new issue arrived.

After reading through it once, I noticed the absence of scantily clad women. I also recognized a disturbingly large number of men's underwear ads. Large men in tight briefs, often sweaty, and always bending... ALWAYS bending... There also seemed to be a significant number of articles about being gay at work, gay actors, and telling your wife that you're gay.

Normally, in men's magazines, if there is a fashion layout, there will always be sexy women lounging on, or around, the male models who are wearing the featured product. It helps to assure the reader that he is in fact not gay, and adds heterosexual sex appeal to whatever is being sold. The new Details had NO WOMEN in the fashion layouts or ads.

When the third issue of the redesigned magazine arrived, featuring a photo essay of a 14-year old bodybuilding boy, oiled down and wearing speedos, I decided it was time to cancel my subscription. I wasn't mad so much that the magazine was gay. I was just unhappy that they assumed, I wouldn't mind.

Now, it does benefit me to have good-quality gay-men's fashion rags out there, because when I'm shopping for clothes, I will always rely on the gayest man in the store for help. Being mostly colorblind, and without any personal taste or style, this straight guy usually seeks out his own personal queer eye, and he wants his boys to be well informed.

So, it came as a surprise to me when I discovered last weekend that JC Penney had become a gay department store. I don't know, maybe it was gay day at Penney's, but there were an unusual number of gay couples shopping together throughout the store. Even the two clerks who rang-up my sale had that certain flair...

I generally try no to shop at JC Penney, and I'm embarrassed when I do. I only go for one thing: undershirts. I'm particularly picky when it comes to undershirts, having been so disappointed in the past by shirts that were too short or too thin. Penney's, however, carries Stafford, and Stafford produces the heaviest, thickest, longest undershirts known to man. Which is a surprise, since the rest of their clothing is complete crap.

So, upon discovering that JC Penney now bears the good gay seal of approval, I feel much less self conscious about shopping there. Well, at least for undershirts anyway.

9 comments:

  1. Hmmmm...methinks he doth protest too much.....

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  2. I'm glad you're in touch with... your undershirt.

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  3. Brian is not gay.

    He still cries after sex.

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  4. Brian Smith2:23 PM

    Dude, we cant hang out anymore.

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  5. Because I wear undershirts?

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  6. G&T Groupie6:58 PM

    You mean, you came up with that shit you wear after you have consulted with a gay man? He obviously had his dick in your ear because you didn't hear a word he fucking said.

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  7. Does it make you gay to let a gay man put his dick in your ear?

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  8. No, but it makes your ear gay.

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  9. I'm sorry, what did you say, I've got something in my ear...

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Be compelling.

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