Monday, February 06, 2006

Lack of Judgment

Washington County, Oregon is the home to Nike World Headquarters and the Intel Corporation. The county population in the last 10 years has exploded to keep pace with industry. Unfortunately, the County still maintins a small rural under-staffed and under-funded courthouse. The court actually ran out of judges this week, and my trial has been bumped to May.

So, here is a list of things I can do with all of my unexpected free-time:

1. Build a ship in a bottle
2. Learn to speak Canadian
3. Make homemade Bologna
4. Finish building my hamster cloning chamber
5. Install a stripper pole in my office
6. Pluck my nipple hair
7. Post the ultimate blog about Christina and Dita fighting naked with cheese bats
8. Fly to Southern California and look again for that lost storm trooper
9. Draw a cartoon of Mohamed, convert to Islam, protest against my self by burning my own house down
10. One word: Augmentation.

8 comments:

  1. you'd probably get the most return from number 5. But then again converting to Islam is all the rage these days.

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  2. You say the "gee no judges" like this is a strange or new thing in Washington County (affectionately referred to as WACO by the locals.) I think a better post would be a detailed description of the goat rodeo known as Friday call. Tell 'em about the fire code violations of cramming a hundred people (many unbathed and/or carrying weapons) into a courtroom the size of a bathroom for hours on end while lawyer after lawyer offers excuses for why they're not ready for trial. Unless, of course, you are actually ready. Then the court won't have enough judges and won't care that you've paid an expert thousands in non-refundable fees, because you're being bumped so Buck, the local drug dealer, can get his criminal trial because he's been held without bail for 59 days. He's been held without bail because his rap sheet is so long that if he didn't commit this particualr crime, the court is fairly sure he's commited SOME crime and isn't taking the chance of releasing him on the world.

    So you spend three hours sitting in the human cattle pen known as Friday call, only to drive the 45 minutes back to your office and explain to an angry client why they're not getting "their day in court."

    I think you should post about that.

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  3. Brian Smith11:07 AM

    Brian,
    I have plenty of room on my schedule to perform a root canal on you. Down here they are all the rage. Either that or we can go get a beer.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dude, get the root canal first. Then we can watch you drool.




    ** Note, Dave has intentionally set up a witty rejoinder for Brian to finish with. It's called team-comedy. We're experts. Don't try this at home.

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  5. I'll let you watch me drool, but It'll cost you 20 bucks.

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  6. Was I the only one who heard a drum roll?

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  7. Brian,
    If you have the twenty bucks (especially in singles), you should go with the stripper pole.

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  8. The stripper pole seems to be getting all the buzz both here in blog-world as well as in the real world. I think I'll run it from my desk to the ceiling...

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Be compelling.

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