"Good! Tomorrow, we'll work on counting to Two..."
** "Fabulous Prize" means that the production staff will buy you a drink. All Fabulous Prizes must be received in person within the greater Portland metropolitan area by the designated winner at a time and place of the production staff's choosing. Failure to be within the city (or the country for that matter) at the designated time will result in Fabulous Prize forfeiture, and the staff (me) will drink your drink in your honor. "Designated Winner" means the person whose response causes me to blow scotch through my nose. This contest is invalid in any state where humor or scotch drinking is prohibited, or any Red state in general. No member of the Bush or Cheney families may enter.
"Okay, now guess what this finger smells like!"
ReplyDeleteIn sign language this means "Butt Plug".
ReplyDeleteBrian: Can I put this in your flabby bellybutton?
ReplyDeleteBarista: Yes, but only up to the first knuckle or you will never be able to retrieve it.
"If it feels like more than two fingers, it's probably a dick."
ReplyDeleteHow many times did it take you to pass the bar exam?
ReplyDeleteHow about "No, I won't show you my breasts for a dollar - it will take at least two."
ReplyDeleteHow many Xes in your extra large?
ReplyDeleteI'd like a Prostrate Exam Frappacino, Extra Foam, please.
ReplyDeleteBarista: "Okay, this is the LAST time I let you perform sexual favors for frappucinos..."
ReplyDelete“OK sir, did you mean that you wanted that fly on the ceiling in your latte or this lightbulb?”
ReplyDeleteI see this in an upcoming advertising campaign….
ReplyDelete“A guy named Brian posted this photo of me on the Internet and made fun of me. My lawyer got me $100,000.00. Thank You P & M !.”
Note from the Prize Committee:
ReplyDeleteVery good, very good! Well, except for Carl. Lawsuits, like the Lincoln Assassination, just aren't funny.
The final judging will take place tonight, so if you have any more zingers, get them posted!
But I can't stop laughing....
ReplyDeleteBarista girl: "I, like all normal people, have ONE belly button." Brian: (incredulously) "Really? Just one?"
ReplyDeleteOkay, so it's more of a scene than a caption...
...using their joint telekenesis, Brian and the coffee barista managed to make the metal tray glow and hover in the air above them.
ReplyDeleteBarista: And the bloody hand of the last person who tried to order his coffee "extra foamy no whip" is locked in our office upstairs.
ReplyDeleteBrian: Right up there?