Sunday, September 21, 2008


Way back.

WAY WAY back.

Something went wrong. A party split up. Two groups, likely small, went two different ways. Then, time and distance, the wonder-twins of evolution, took their toll and had their way with them.

One group was short and slow, but strong, slope-browed and dim witted. They lived in small tribes in fair climates. They had to kill what they wanted for dinner, often without tools or even language.

These are the Neanderthals, and their record ends 28,000 years ago.

The other group, for whatever reasons, developed intellect, skill, cunning, reason and imagination. They were taller, faster, smarter and more flexible as a species.

These were the Sapiens. Us. Well, early us, but us nonetheless.

About 200,000 years ago, give or take, as the theory goes, we Sapiens moved out of Africa. And inevitably, we ran in to our uglier dumber cousins. Then, about 28,000 years ago, the Neanderthal record dies out.

And that is exactly what scientists have long thought happened to them. Died out, that is. But more recently, other theories have come along. One says that Sapiens moved in and effectively conquered the brutes. Another says that we may have over-competed and thus consumed all of their resources.

Still, another suggests that the two groups, though not genetically identical were somehow able to merge. Effectively stating that early man had a hankering for neanderthal pussy.

Which would really mean one thing, we are not only Sapiens, we are Neanderthals too. Some of us more than others...

And of course, this came up for me on the way back from Idaho last week. Stopping for gas and snacks, pissing at a rest stop or letting the tots run amok at the McDonalds playland, I had the opportunity to behold the people. The populace. The neighbors.

I observed the people who will be setting the course for the next four years. These were the shirtless cowboys in pickup trucks, the fat loudmouths, the dirty shirted shoppers. These were the shotgun wielders, the big belt-buckled buffoons and the toothless. These were people who complained about the lack of mayonnaise at Mc Donalds. These were the folks who bear a striking family resemblance to their spouses.

These were country music fans, rodeo clowns and Walmart patrons. These were church goers, although church likely meant tuning into the Jesus-channel sometime on Sunday after the bad-beer hangover from Saturday ended.

And it worried me somewhat, realizing what was out there and recognizing just how many there were. But now, I seem to see it in a whole new light. Neanderthals. Of course! It all makes so much more sense. There is Neanderthal blood in the Sapien line, and perhaps it is just more pronounced in some than others.


  1. other7:24 AM

    You say "shirtless cowboy" like it's a bad thing. I think a few lounge readers would like that image. Let's put THAT in the White House!

  2. Have you not been to the Pendleton Round-Up. Cowboys, despite their ridiculously large belt buckles tend to be an attractive species, so no "shirtless cowboy" is not a bad thing "Other."

  3. Ah yes, the elitest liberal view of the people who live in the Red States. The same people who cling to their guns and religion.

    Neanderthals, while unsophisticated, pay taxes and were at least born here. But your party would rather give money to people who break the law.

    example: tortillas and trouble.

    It's nice to hear that you haven't gone so far pinko commie that you love everyone. The belief that you are better then others is one of the core conservative values. There may still be a little hope for you young Jedi.

  4. shirtless cowboy9:47 AM

    We love faggot ass Lawyers driving through our towns too. Ever seen Deliverance? Can you squeal like a piggy?

  5. Can you squeal like a piggy?

    Of course he can. Just ask Neddy.

  6. No value judgment here - but I think as Mr. G&T has described, life within the "heartland" of this great nation is very different than life experienced on its coasts.

    Maybe its the sea air... maybe its the perspective of potentially being cast into the ocean at the next trembling of the earth, or washed away at the next tsunami...

    Suffice to say, there are places in the central part of this continent which make central Oregon look like a San Francisco parade...

  7. I am becoming more and more comfortable with my elitism...

  8. Yeah leave the law-breaking to the experts - fat, rich white guys.

  9. I just thought we all became lawyers.

  10. I just heard a poll that a third of white democrats wont vote for Obama because he is Black. Hmmm. Must be some donkeys in the middle America territory. So much for all inclusive progressive thinking.

    At least we fat white conservatives own our racism.

  11. toothless man from deliverance11:03 AM

    I bet I could make Helly squeal like a pig.

    Wheeeeeee wheeee wheeee!

  12. commenting for dummies11:10 AM

    Owning your ignorance is never something to boast about.

  13. mrs g and t12:39 PM

    Marge... the aforementioned McDonalds was, in fact, in Pendleton on the last day of Round-Up

  14. I suppose the last day of Round-Up is not the best day to look at the cowyboys, they've been drinking and partying all weekend at the Let 'Er Buck Room

  15. Anonymous1:28 PM

    happy thoughts people

  16. Thog the Neanderthal1:45 PM

    grrrr... Thog kill faggot lawyer. Eat brains. Go watch NASCAR!

  17. Is the Lounge now going to be known as much for "shirtless cowboys" as it was for Dita Von Teese?

    Just curious what direction Brian's new editorial focus is going...

  18. Brian has an editorial focus??

  19. other3:54 PM

    Mr Gin & Tonic has a nice watering hole in his neighborhood featuring saddles for seats ... so yes?

  20. I'm sorry Mitch, I will not be able to fulfill your Wild West fantasies...

  21. brokeback portland4:04 PM

    Giddie up lawyer boy!!

  22. the shirt5:04 PM

    I like it when the cowboy takes me off, then I get to ride in the back of the pickup truck!

  23. Lucky Red6:05 PM

    I've dated my share of cowboys and from what I recall they didn't like NASCAR, never mentioned politics, and only loathed "city shits" who pretended to be cowboys when they came to the rodeo competitions to watch safely from the bleachers eating elephant matter what color they were.
    As for BS owning his hatred, yes, you and yours are to be commended for your honesty- be sure to pick up your wristbands at the end of the Walmart checkout lanes that remind you to be humble before your god, and "what would Jesus do" anyway?

  24. Awesome!!! Cowboys in Oregon. I just love the sound of that. I haven't been to a Walmart in a while but I will be sure to look out for those wristbands for sure.

    Thanks, that made my night.

  25. I'm about to marry a cowboy - but lucky for you all - he won't be shirtless.


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