Thursday, September 25, 2008

An Apple A Day

Tequila, that wicked spirit of agave...

It picks persistent, digging deep, wearing away at the veneer of personality and social propriety.

Warm in the belly, and hot on the lips, it is the ultimate excuse for bad behavior. It gets the party started. It does bad things.

I do not believe in a devil, nor do I fear his fictional hoary minions. But Tequila. Oh yes. Tequila!

In moderation, it is a warm elixir, a buttress against the gray of winter or the doldrums of a drab party. It can be shot, slurped or sipped and seems predetermined, preternaturally designed, to go down with lime. It conforms to the bawdiest desires to lick it from the human body like no other beverage known to man. It may prove the existence of God.

It simmers the passions. It leads to lust. It fuels anger. It leads to extraordinarily bad decision making.

It causes conservative skirts to hike, white men to dance and money to be spent.

It is the closest kin to witchcraft I have come across in this wide world.

And tonight, I chased my taste for it. I sipped while I sizzled sausage on the grill. I poured more during dinner. I took a quick shot in the dark, when the opportunity arose.

Then, at some point, I sought to sneak a little more down the gullet, and that required the assistance of the liquid panty remover known as the Margarita. Not that I was wearing panties... No, just roll with it...


Tequila tangos well with sweet; and Lime is sublime (and entirely required) when it come to the art of tequila mixology.

The holy trinity being, for purists of course, tequila, lime and Cointreau, but fruit of all manner have worked their way in to the lexicon of the fermented cactus language.

Being Fall in the wet Pacific Northwest, means one thing. Blackberry season is over and now, it is time for the apples.

Great trees, pregnant with ripe red and green fruit have begun to shed their tart treats. And when the apples fall, it is time to make cider. Dark brown, unfiltered, tasting of the orchard earth itself, Cider. If it is cloudy, if the apple sediment must be shaken from the floor of the jug, if it originated less than 10 miles from your Oregon home, you know it is going to be good.

So, a mostly-full bottle of respectable tequila in one hand and a cold jug of unfiltered cider in the other, I began to carefully combine. I licked at the drips and sucked up the excess. I added a little of this, and a dash of that. I shook. I stirred. I tested.

More of that, less of this, but I was close.

Then, I tried the lime, and voila, I had a bad-ass apple margarita. It was brown and cloudy, sweet and tart. The tequila was celebrated, rather than concealed. I sipped and sipped and slowly the sides of my head went numb.


  1. I came to work today fully expecting an entire post filled with gloating. USC the powerhouse falling to little underdog Oregon State.

    Someone needs to do a better job with these college polls.

    suck ass game!!!

  2. Joe Nichols8:29 AM

    Yeah, I wrote a song about it. For those of you who don't like country music, google it.

  3. Finally, a blog entry I can understand.

  4. Tequila...tequila...tequila...a good drink.

    And, ha, ha, ha Dr. B. The Beavs kicked USC's ass! It was a kick ass game.

  5. And there are so many tequilas. Saying “tequila” is like saying red wine. Or more particularly, Bordeaux. There are of course other red wines that do not come from the Bordeaux region of France, just as there are other agave distillates that do not originate from the Tequila region of Mexico. My current favorite is 1921. I highly recommend you find a bottle and try it. And learn to appreciate the clean taste of the silver, or plata tequilas, their flavor is pure.

    But do not forget Mezcal, tequila’s smoky dusky sister. She is naughty and rough and promises things you are afraid to admit you want.

    And hiding in the darker places there is Raicilla, the younger sister that looks both good and yet bad and may not be legal, but you know you want her anyway.

  6. wine snob9:49 AM

    oh yes, there are many red wines...
    Cabernet Sauvignon, Gamay, Grenache, Melot, Pinor Noir, Sangiovese, Syrah, Tempranillo, Zinfandel. Blends can be bold and beautiful like my chest hair.

  7. I have to say though...any team with the mascot of "BEAVER" gets my vote.

    Marge, kiss my ass.

  8. Well Dr. B a "Beaver" is going to outake a "Trojan" anytime

    And you can kiss my ass! The Beavs kicked California's sorry little ass...

  9. Oh yeah... bring on the Beaver - Trojan jokes...

  10. So, um, the Trojan defense broke against the Beaver offense?

    Is that what I'm hearing?

  11. You guys are so slow today...

  12. I think it is more of an issue that Trojan's just don't hold up well when in comes to Oregon Beavers.

  13. You know, the Trojans kept pounding away late in the game. It was a close shave for the Beavers....

  14. But Beavers, as always, come out on top....who needs Trojans?

  15. auntie bsu6:46 PM

    Your blog is well timed, it being Johnny Appleseed's birthday and all.

    But more importantly, a great big thank you to USC who made it possible for the blue and orange to win out this season and have a shot at the National Championship. Great job Trojans!

  16. Tequila makes my clothes fall off


Be compelling.

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