Equal Time: The Rednecks Respond

I am really very pleased to provide the very first guest post submitted by our very own elfin dentist, Dr. B.

Number 16

Big corporations sponsor everything. They have lots of money even after paying the dividends to shareholders, operating expenses, salaries, pensions and environmental hazard taxes...

There are always a few bucks left over for slush funds and advertising, and we all know that it’s really all about having a brand name today. It is imperative to get your brand name out there and plaster it everywhere. It’s big business.

Sometimes when you are lucky, and know someone important, corporate waste will fall on your head. I don’t mean the kind that will burn your lungs or melt a retina. I’m talking about perks!

I had the good fortune Sunday to spend a few hours with the President of Unitek, which is a subsidiary of 3M. They are also one of the largest manufacturers of Orthodontic supplies.

Unitek is based in Monrovia, California, but the President lives in La Verne. His name is Paul and he is a nice guy, just your standard white yuppie who migrated from Minnesota. He also drives a shinny BMW.

His company decided to bid on the 3M suite at the Fontana raceway for the Pepsi 500. At the simple price of $50,000.00 you get a nice size suite that comes stocked with food, beer, comfortable seating, flat screens, air conditioning, 2 servers and a view of the race track right before turn 1.

Oh, but it gets better…

Your 30 guests also will get a private tour of the garage area and the million-dollar 3M mobile command center. To top it all off, the driver of the 3M car will come to the suite and sign autographs and chat it up for about 30 min.

This guy was nothing like I expected. He was articulate, informative, comfortable talking to strangers, and was a dead ringer for Steve Carell (the office, 40 year old virgin)

Here is a photo of him speaking to us before the race. (He has the 3M hat. I'm the sexy one with the stylish glasses in back to the left.)

(OK, I added that last comment to Dr. B's post...)



His name is Greg Biffle and he races a Ford for the Roush/Fenway team of Nascar. I got to shake his hand and my encouragement inspired the young lad to come in second.

I drank lots of free beer and enjoyed a really boring race filled with not one good crash and 250 left turns. The poll sitter, Jimmy Johnson, led the entire race and won for the third time in a row at the Pepsi 500. I’m almost positive that I lost 10 I.Q. points for just being there.

Now I know that 99% of you readers don’t give a crap about NASCAR except for maybe Marge. But it made me really think about how money, advertising, sponsorships are what make our culture thrive. It also made me realize that most of us are just whores and consumers. The next time you buy something made by 3M think about Greg and his shiny #16 car. He really needs a few more sets of tires.