Thursday, September 11, 2008

I Like Ike

I need to stop traveling to the South.

In August, 2005, I traveled to New Orleans for depositions. I arrived one day early to see the city. After an extremely long Sunday of gin, jazz, strippers, crayfish, blues, BBQ, humidity and vomiting, I declared that the wretched urine-smelling city needed a bath. I really did.

By the end of the month, it got one.

A BIG one.

Then, just this last May, 3,000 hardcore bikers and I descended upon the Texas filth pot known as Houston. I've already complained at length about that stinking festering shit-hole of a city. I also commented more than once, that as a bayou metropolis near the gulf coast, perhaps the universe could do me a solid and send a Hurricane.

And really, I need to stop doing this.

Apparently, I have a power. An Awesome Word of Power, not unlike Jesus. Only, where he healed the lame and fed the multitudes, I can wipe out entire southern cities with one smart-ass quip.

And I know, as a fact, that my awesome word of power is only limited to Southern destruction, because I have actually declared with full authoritative voice that Portland Oregon should have daily stripper parades and beer should flow from the fountains.

Alas, the best I have been able to achieve is Bikini Coffee...

8 comments:

  1. Shamu isn't going to want to see you come back for a visit.

    ReplyDelete
  2. master po10:49 PM

    You waste your powers, grasshopper.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I learned not to say, I wish, because it usually came true. When I was 19 years old, I wished that I would be a partner in a law firm that would be working 24 hours per day, cause that would be cool and we would get shit done. This summer, Inog and I spent most of it on the opposite sides of the world. I have had little sleep.

    I always get what I wish.

    I need to craft a really good wish.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I wanted three or four shifts of lawyers and staff. Day, swing, night and graveyard. I wanted swing shift or graveyard. I got all.

    ReplyDelete
  5. There is also a monster typhoon headed to Taipei.

    Guess where I am.

    ReplyDelete
  6. There are a few things in Southern California that we would like cleaned up and to go away. I would list them all but do not have the space...just get down here, we need you messiah.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Let me know how the parades work out...

    ReplyDelete
  8. There are daily stripper parades in Portland

    They just don't tell YOU where

    ReplyDelete

Be compelling.

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