Pink

A friend and frequent reader of the Lounge was told this afternoon that she was old. Perhaps a rude thing for two pre-drinking age college freshmen to say. However, my "old" friend happens to be 25.

I asked what the two toddlers would say about me. My friend, who already thinks that I'm old, said, "ancient," and then laughed at my pain.

Old? How old am I? Well I happen to be old enough to recall when MTV played music videos, which they of course no longer seem to do. There is no end to the irony-induced ire that I experience over this.

"Well, it's now called Lifestyle Programming," Tom will surely say. Well, fine, why doesn't it call itself LPTV then? The M stands for Music. If you hold yourself out as MUSIC television, then you should play music. Look, I couldn't care less about today's pop music, but I have to wonder where the hell the videos went!!

Well, last Thursday, I found out. While staying home caring for a vomiting monkey with a side-case of the shits, I surfed past the basic-cable conclave of music channels. Lo and behold, at 10:35 a.m., I discovered just exactly where the video went. They play them during the day when their entire market audience is either at work or at school. Brilliant!

So, I stopped to savor a few minutes of edgy editing and unnaturally bouncy hip-hop go-go girls... bouncing... bouncing...

Then, as Karma would dictate, a new video from Pink, the post-punk sub-pop diva came on. The song was called Stupid Girls, and appeared to be a catchy, yet angry, anthem railing against the very same bouncy hip-hop go-go girl stereotypes that I had just been oggling seconds before. The rapid reversal of musical message caused a bit of whiplash, but I found the video compelling.

In an inspired employment of juxtaposition, the song celebrates the cerebral empowerment of women, while interspersing a copious amount of Pink's own pasty flesh to crucify the exploitation of female sexuality. It titilates, then makes you feel like shit for being titilated. Damn.

Pink may be the new feminist hero. Anyone would be better than Hillary...

Now, on the other hand, though, there is something to be said about the completely vacuous self-absorbed preening and prancing of the beautiful-but-nearly-retarded. These are the well-financed and well-tanned semen-receptacles of the world: the Paris Hiltons and the Jessica Simpsons.

I respect the strong woman, the smart woman. I hope the monkey grows up to be an ass-kicking world-conqueror, but sometimes, sometimes, I just want to look at the smooth-and-shiny big-tittied dimwitted bimbo.

I blame my penis, old as it may be...