Monday, March 20, 2006


A friend and frequent reader of the Lounge was told this afternoon that she was old. Perhaps a rude thing for two pre-drinking age college freshmen to say. However, my "old" friend happens to be 25.

I asked what the two toddlers would say about me. My friend, who already thinks that I'm old, said, "ancient," and then laughed at my pain.

Old? How old am I? Well I happen to be old enough to recall when MTV played music videos, which they of course no longer seem to do. There is no end to the irony-induced ire that I experience over this.

"Well, it's now called Lifestyle Programming," Tom will surely say. Well, fine, why doesn't it call itself LPTV then? The M stands for Music. If you hold yourself out as MUSIC television, then you should play music. Look, I couldn't care less about today's pop music, but I have to wonder where the hell the videos went!!

Well, last Thursday, I found out. While staying home caring for a vomiting monkey with a side-case of the shits, I surfed past the basic-cable conclave of music channels. Lo and behold, at 10:35 a.m., I discovered just exactly where the video went. They play them during the day when their entire market audience is either at work or at school. Brilliant!

So, I stopped to savor a few minutes of edgy editing and unnaturally bouncy hip-hop go-go girls... bouncing... bouncing...

Then, as Karma would dictate, a new video from Pink, the post-punk sub-pop diva came on. The song was called Stupid Girls, and appeared to be a catchy, yet angry, anthem railing against the very same bouncy hip-hop go-go girl stereotypes that I had just been oggling seconds before. The rapid reversal of musical message caused a bit of whiplash, but I found the video compelling.

In an inspired employment of juxtaposition, the song celebrates the cerebral empowerment of women, while interspersing a copious amount of Pink's own pasty flesh to crucify the exploitation of female sexuality. It titilates, then makes you feel like shit for being titilated. Damn.

Pink may be the new feminist hero. Anyone would be better than Hillary...

Now, on the other hand, though, there is something to be said about the completely vacuous self-absorbed preening and prancing of the beautiful-but-nearly-retarded. These are the well-financed and well-tanned semen-receptacles of the world: the Paris Hiltons and the Jessica Simpsons.

I respect the strong woman, the smart woman. I hope the monkey grows up to be an ass-kicking world-conqueror, but sometimes, sometimes, I just want to look at the smooth-and-shiny big-tittied dimwitted bimbo.

I blame my penis, old as it may be...


  1. Brian Smith10:33 AM

    I know Im old because I dont agree with the lifestyles that MTV promotes... or maybe because I'm republican. I think its funny how black gangster musicians are now heros and their lavish houses and cars are adorned. I'm not jealous,
    I just think its a sign of how stupid the youth of America is.

    Of course in my day guys like Robert Smith who wore make-up, sang about depression, and drank into oblivion were cool.

  2. I know you're old because you're bald...

  3. Brian Smith3:15 PM

    Yes, I must be getting more head

  4. "Well, it's now called Lifestyle Programming,"

  5. While we're renaming cable stations, when will VH1 become ILT_TV or TOHG_TV?

  6. And for the bonus point, can anyone name the first video ever play by MTV?

  7. amanda1:27 PM

    Video Killed the Radio Star. Buggles. I was watching the TV Guide channel, because it was that or Katie Couric awkwardly flirting with someone who was visibly frightened. The videos on MTV stop at 8 am, and a TRL repeat comes on after that. The pre-drinking age freshman asked if they could pretend I was 22. I'm not sure how that helps them out, though. I know how it would help Brian out...

  8. Ding ding ding! We have a winner! I dub you "Queen of 80's Trivia" with all the neon earings you could possibly want as your prize.

  9. Old penises get a bad rap from what I hear.

  10. amanda4:13 PM

    Speaking of reliving the 80s, I recently had the weirdest thing happen to me. Not only did I have a song stuck in my head, I had a song transition in my head. "Sixteen Candles." The dance sequence from Spandau Ballet into Oingo Boingo complete with Anthony Michael Hall's line, "All riiiiiiiight, I knew you'd come around." I already realize I'm a nerd.


Be compelling.

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