Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Denial

I am not prepared to admit that I have an addictive personality.

Sure, I buy gin by the gallon, and keep a ready supply of tonic and limes fully stocked at all times. That's just good planning, and good planning makes for easy comfort and restful relaxation.

Maybe I do have between 7,500 and 10,000 Magic: the Gathering cards safely tucked away in neatly ordered alphabetical color-coded binders in my basement. That's just an investment, I heard of a guy that paid for a trip to FRANCE when he sold his collection.

And so what, if I'm sure to hit Best Buy every Tuesday to catch the new DVD releases. I'm only trying to maintain my marginal multimedia superiority over Tom, that bastard.

Fine, Fine, FINE! Ok, so I spent most of my student-loan money in law school on strippers. Law school was stressful. It was important for my mental health.

Mandarin Oranges? Oh, come on! For the love of god, they're packed with Vitamin C, and anti-oxidants. They're nutritious. THAT'S why I buy them by the wholesale caseload. I'm going to eat them, so why not get the best value?

I am fully in control of my impulses. I am lord of my own destiny. I am Master of my domain.

So, why the HELL can I not keep my index finger off the mouse button when it comes to myspace? Holy Hell! If I'm not updating my home page and looking for new blog posts or friend requests or profile comments or blog comments or comments to comments, I get the shakes. If the messages page takes more than 6 second to reload, I start to twitch.

You know what I'm talking about. Most of YOU are there all day too, and those of you who are not there, will be there soon. Music, games, chatrooms, forums, groups, memes, blogs, quizzes, comments, alumni, searches, photos: It's all there, and it keeps getting bigger, like it's alive.

It was meant to be a feeder blog for this blog. A revolving shining billboard guiding folks here to the Lounge. Oh, but it is much more... Much more indeed. It is my awesome flashing god, whose persuasive prurience and well-ordered anarchy blasts a siren call of Homeric proportions. Are you not on myspace? Oh, you will be. Resistance is futile.

It was MUCH better than Cats... I will see it again and again...

19 comments:

  1. Is this part of the "I'm not going to spend so much time on MySpace" plan you swore to last night?

    just saying..

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  2. Dear Lord - have you started running over cats again??? And the neon Madonna '80's wanna-be called and wants her color green back from your blog background.

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  3. Green?? I thought it was purple.

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  4. Thanks for keeping me employed, Brian. Enjoy our other fine flavors of addictive narcotics...

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  5. alright, what else do ya got? I'm already hooked on (shame to say it) American Idol too...

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  6. You're kidding me, do you have an account on http://myidol.idolonfox.com yet?

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  7. what, you think I'm some sort of loser?

    (what was that address again?)

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  8. Ooh I got a better one!

    The Official William Hung website.

    No need to thank me.

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  9. Anonymous1:36 PM

    Were you trying to prove by this background that you are, in fact, completely color blind? Cuz we buy it. Can we get something less radioactive?

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  10. blogger.com has all this smarty pants intellectual crap.

    MySpace is filled with hot babes.

    Do the fuck’n math.

    The only time you see pseudo-intellectual dribble on MySpace is when some freak show in his late 30’s is trying to score with hot young chicks by making them think they will be a better person if they sleep with him.

    MySpace lets these losers flirt and tease and pretend that they still matter.

    It is a fucked up way to socialize if you ask me.

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  11. Oh yeah.. and I still have more Magic cards than you.

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  12. Ok INOG - I'll go ahead and add you to my friends list - you can stop sending requests now.

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  13. Brian smith2:50 PM

    I thought myspace was for dorks that couldnt get girlfriends in highschool and have to lie about their age and seem witty to attract younger girls. Oh wait... crap... thats me.

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  14. don't worry, no one is buying your "witty" act...

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  15. Brian, I have the Demonic Attorney Magic Card. Its the only one I'll claim to own. The rest aren't mine, I merely store them for my son . . . . I found the card among some ejected tenant's porn magazines. It was the only thing not contaminated. And now I play the card on opposing counsel in my cases . . . they just stare at me not knowing what to say.

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  16. and this is why you are lawyer of the year??

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  17. an annoyed reader7:33 PM

    If you know you are colorblind, why do you fuck with the colors yourself, dumbass? I think you stared at the blacklight too much in law school while at the strip clubs to make yourself this color blind and stupid.

    oh yeah, myspace ROOLZ!!!

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  18. the real anonymous7:45 PM

    Roolz? What kind of crapass spelling is that? I'm guessing you are annoyed by your own stuck-in-the-80s spelling problem.

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  19. Holy ugly green Batman.

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Be compelling.

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