Thursday, December 04, 2008


The call came during lunch. I was dining with the missus, and her phone rang first.

We didn't recognize the number, and let it go to voice mail. Then, my phone rang with the same exact number. Voice mail told us it was the furniture store. The sofa was in.

A quick call back confirmed that they will deliver it tomorrow (today, as many of you read this).

As domestic acquisitions go, a sofa seems, on the surface, insignificant. Essentially, it is padded furniture for your ass. But I think, it is much much more...

As a child, the sofa and its cushions provided endless cover against countless military assaults. It was a fort. It was a castle. It was an impervious barricade against the hoary lava monsters.

It was the best place in the house to lay when you were sick.

The sofa is your ever-present companion for every memorable TV moment you'll ever experience. It was there when JR got shot. It was there when Mr. Hooper died. It was there when the Korean war ended after 11 seasons. It has supported your ass for every Superbowl, World Series, Playoff and Final.

Your ass knows your sofa well, and anticipates its loving embrace before you're even fully sitting. It let's you sleep on the nights that your spouse is snoring. It lets you sleep on the days when the kids are out of the house.

You once kissed your first girlfriend or boyfriend on a sofa. Chances are, many of you have children that were conceived on a sofa.

I dine while sitting on my sofa almost every night.

My current sofa, the one that will be replaced tomorrow, looked good in the showroom. It also seemed to be comfortable, while we were there. Unfortunately, once delivered, 8 years ago, it became quickly apparent that it was way too squishy to be even remotely comfortable. And yet, we made adjustments, and learned how to cope.

Now however, with my rambunctious boy taking headers over the high back, it has become time for something new. And tomorrow it arrives. Firmer cushions, closer to the ground. Less froofy flair. I'm looking forward to the new sofa. My ass is too.


  1. You know, there are probably several things that your ass is looking forward to...

  2. Anonymous6:01 PM

    It is called a couch, you wank. You probably really call it a davenport or a chesterfield but you didn't want to appear that douchy (fail).


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