Friday, August 29, 2008

Runner-Up ***Correction***

I was unable to contain my glee throughout lunch today. I giggled without ceasing when I heard the news...

I assumed he would pick a moderate or a woman. Never in my life, however, did I see this coming.

First, I'd like to welcome Sarah Palin to the game. Congratulations. We wish you all the best.

Now, let's taker a closer look at just exactly what John McCain has done to himself.

First, let's look at the courtship. Republicans have convinced themselves that there is some mysterious cabal of angry lesbians who are so angry with Obama for beating their girl that they will actually vote Republican to smite him.

This fantasy is just not true. No matter how angry these girls get, no true Clinton supporter will ever vote to allow the Bush/Cheney/McCain dynasty one more term. No true Clinton supporter would ever put the country in that much jeopardy.

Clinton VOTERS, though, that's another thing. Remember during the primaries, the hundreds of thousands of Republicans who switched sides to vote for Hillary as the weakest risk? Well, guess what, those folks are no longer supporting Hillary, and they are back to their old stripes in the service of the GOP.

Those are all of the Hilary folks McCain will ever get. It has not stopped John from pandering, though, fishing for Hillary's castaways who are not really there. And his latest effort? His biggest pre-election decision? The biggest risk he's taken since soaring low over Hanoi?

In a bald-faced and somewhat cheap-appearing ploy to coddle these non-existent Fem-ublicans, He selected a woman. A nice woman, it seems. Kinda pretty. But that's about as far as it goes.

Besides, it's a ploy. It's obvious and offensive. It's a reverse form of sexism.

Her qualifications are this: Bachelor's degree in journalism at University of Idaho. Miss Alaska beauty pageant runner-up, Hockey-mom, Mayor of small Alaskan village, 2nd year Governor of Alaska. She is an oil whore (not gender-specific). She radically opposes abortion rights. She hunted and killed moose as a child. She favors expansive oil drilling as an answer to petroleum dependence.

Oh, and she also likes to steal well-written lines from Hilary Clinton. Apparently, she didn't have enough time to have her own words written for her.

To tell the truth, I don't think I'd even hire her to be my paralegal, let alone the next President, should something happen to John. I mean, would YOU hire her?

To the extent that McCain had any argument at all about Obama's lack of experience (18 years of experience), he has destroyed his own argument by selecting a literal novice.

Further, it seems, Ms Palin even comes with her own built-in scandal. She is, in fact, in the absolute middle of her very own ethics inquiry. Seems she fired the director of the State Police because he wouldn't fire her ex brother-in-law, whom she disliked.

That's what John McCain has given us. this is what he has straddled us with. this is what he straddled himself with... And it all starts to feel reminiscent of those days when we all slowly began to realize that Dan Quayle was absolute vacuous moron. It's like you can almost taste it coming...

But the bigger question is: "What was John thinking?"

How could he have done this to himself? He holds himself out as the candidate with the most experience and best judgment. He has had months of relative calm since he sewed up the Republican nomination. He has had a surplus of time, with which to solve this riddle, to research his options. This is the biggest decision of his political career. He is potentially naming his successor as leader of the free world, and he gives us Maggie O'Connell from Northern Exposure.
(John ought to keep an eye out for falling satellites...)

It is just a frighteningly blatant display of poor judgement. It demonstrates how out-of-touch McCain really is. The media will be polite, I assume, at least through Thursday when she is nominated. But then? Oh then...

She will be, not only the final nail in McCain's coffin, no, she'll be the dirt covering the hole.

The Palin decision, whether she stays or whether she backs away, will win the presidency for Obama. And McCain? He'll be the runner-up.


I was wrong when I said John McCain gave us Maggie O'Connell from Northen Exposure.

No, what I should have said was, he gave us Shelly Vincoeur.


  1. CNN couldn't have said it better.

    So you can't even mention that she has taken on Rebublicans in her state and has stopped some of the needless spending. At least she has run a state (even if it is full of moose and polar bears)

    Give the poor old guy a break, at leat he gets to hang out with a naughty librarian for the next 70 days. Although with 5 kids the vageegee is probably hung like a donut.

  2. I've been to Juneau Alaska. I've been to the state capitol. It has the look and feel of a small county library. So, the naughty librarian look fits right in.

    There are, in fact, more people living in the Portland Metro region than there are in the entire State of Alaska. So, her exectutive experience is tantamount to two years as a small city mayor.

    Here's the big problem. She seems so nice and sweet and pretty and, oh-gosh, small townsy that I am hesitant to make fun of her because it makes me feel bad.

    You know, feel bad, like when you pick on a retarded kid...

    Even her husband seems like a nice guy, a commercial fisherman. essentially a character on "Deadlest Catch."

    And John McCain has dropped this nice kind innocent family, woefully unprepared, into the world's biggest shark tank.

    It's going to get ugly.

  3. She shouldn't have accepted, if she's that unprepared. He's 72 and has had cancer how many times? There is no way that any number of decent cabinet appointments is going to make up for little Miss Ethics Violation who kisses up to big oil and can't seem to understand why someone might want to choose to have a child...

    However, there are people stupid enough to vote for McCain, simply because he's chosen a female VP. There are also people who are backward enough to vote for anything but a black man. That's the lovely country we live in.

  4. And, have you heard that she was raised in a Pentecostal church? The evangelicals are creaming their pants (well, and skirts since they don't let their womenfolk wear items from the devil's wardrobe) for her. I can only hope she'll start speaking in tongues and handles snakes while stumping because I'm looking for some big entertainment value out of this election.

  5. Anonymous1:21 PM

    I'd still do her.

  6. Oh ya, She'll probably make my next Laminated Top-5 List.

  7. I agree with your take on this. She was a bad choice other than for the fact that she will allow them to drill for oil is Alaska.


Be compelling.

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