Dave's Gay Crush

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The Gay Alternate

Special Note: All of my submitted entries follow a simple rule – they have to involve Brian in some fashion. It's his blog, it's only fair. Besides, the world really revolves around him anyway. Just ask him.

It was Brian and Mrs. G&T that had taught us about "The List" – the five celebrities that as a married couple, would be understandable (although mayhaps not acceptable) to find out your partner had cheated with. Brian's choices were fairly guessable if you know Brian, by the way. Of course, the List also requires the Gay Alternate, which is required in order to have your list accepted. I was most surprised by Mrs. G&T's choice of the Gay Alternate, but that's her story and I shan't ruin it by usurping it.

Naturally, Jadine and I thought about our own choices, and her choices didn't surprise me in the slightest – Chris Isaak, Chris Cornell… she likes singers, what can I say. Or maybe it's guys named "Chris". My choices took a little longer, because strangely enough I'm not very good at drooling over celebrities. As a matter of fact, it took a full year to get a list together. However… the Gay Alternate didn't. When Brian first suggested this little exercise, my first Gay Alternate came to mind in seconds: David Navarro.




I've always been a fan of Jane's Addiction and he's always struck me as a very pretty man in a rocker sort of way. And I've seen him make out with other dudes at the drop of a hat, and you tend to want experienced hands at this sort of thing. (ahem.)

But one day while driving to work, I called Jadine and we had the following conversation.

"Hi honey? Do you have a second?"
"Yes David, is something wrong?"
"Well I've been thinking very seriously about something and I came to an important decision."
"Okay, what is it?"
"I don't want David Navarro as my gay alternate anymore."
"(pause) You've seriously been thinking about this?"
"Yes."
"While you were driving."
"Yeah, I've given it a lot of thought."
"(Pause). Okay, may I ask why?"
"Because he's just so tawdry these days, you know you won't be exclusive. And he just comes across so sleazy. You'd probably catch something."
"(Pause) Okay David, I can see that. Do you an alternative choice?"
"Yes I do….



Hugh Jackman."

"Why Hugh Jackman? It's not because he's Wolverine, is it?"
"No, that would be silly. it's because he seems like the sort that could commit. And he's funny, and I think he would be a Gay Alternate that you could have a long-term commitment with, if you so choose."
"(pause.) And you've been thinking about this, as you were driving to work."
"And I bet he'd cuddle."

There you go. If I'm hooking with a famous person… I would want to cuddle. And we could go to a musical or something.