Monday, August 11, 2008

Monday Morning Greeting From Your New Friends at Bikini Coffee

While on break, it came to my attention that we had a new neighbor just a two blocks away in downtown Portland. A quaint little coffee operation set up shop with friendly staff, warm pastries and good coffee.

Well, OK, the pastries are cold and a little stale, but really, who goes to a coffee shop for pastries anyway??

And well, the coffee isn't necessarily the best brew in the 9-square-block radius. Not that it's BAD, per se; It's just not, you know... Good.

But it is hot, if not a little over-priced. Still though, it's coffee, and it's served with a big white-toothed smile.

Well, OK, and boobs. It's served with big inflated silicone-enhanced bikini-clad boobs.

Really, though, the best part of hitting Bikini Coffee are the friendly first-thing-in-the-morning smiles. Most of you know, I'll tip for a smile, and this is no exception. There is always a happy "Hello!" and warm greeting when I walk through the door, which is more than I can say for the cursed crew of the miserable Coffee Plant downstairs in my building.

Apparently, the coffee bitches at the Coffee Plant recently were all a-fucking-titter after they found a scathing on-line review of their demoralizing drudgery. I was so excited that they had come across my very own declaration of jihad, alas, however, it was not me. But I digress...

So, if you happen to work in downtown Portland, Oregon, or if you're just stopping by, and you need a little pick-me-up during the long gray winter malaise, then I strongly recommend that you stop for a shot of titillating how-dee-do at Bikini Coffee.

(Located at 520 SW 5th Ave)


  1. The one you took me to was a big bust...however, seeing as many naked ladies as I did the night before had satified me temporarily. But I'm gettin that itch again...

  2. First - let me say that this is a brilliant marketing idea, that more companies should implement. Its a tough economy. They should do whatever they can to differentiate themselves in the marketplace.

    Second - Hey, I like good coffee.. but really, ambiance has to count for something, right?

    Third - Yet another improvement in the Pacific Northwest which wasn't available when I lived there!

  3. Do they have any male serving coffee houses where the men wear those nice tight boxers?

  4. Why yes, Lisa. But that's in West Hollywood.

  5. the panty2:22 AM

    People should pay more attention to the bikini bottoms.


Be compelling.

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