Monday Morning Greeting From Your New Friends at Bikini Coffee

While on break, it came to my attention that we had a new neighbor just a two blocks away in downtown Portland. A quaint little coffee operation set up shop with friendly staff, warm pastries and good coffee.

Well, OK, the pastries are cold and a little stale, but really, who goes to a coffee shop for pastries anyway??

And well, the coffee isn't necessarily the best brew in the 9-square-block radius. Not that it's BAD, per se; It's just not, you know... Good.

But it is hot, if not a little over-priced. Still though, it's coffee, and it's served with a big white-toothed smile.

Well, OK, and boobs. It's served with big inflated silicone-enhanced bikini-clad boobs.

Really, though, the best part of hitting Bikini Coffee are the friendly first-thing-in-the-morning smiles. Most of you know, I'll tip for a smile, and this is no exception. There is always a happy "Hello!" and warm greeting when I walk through the door, which is more than I can say for the cursed crew of the miserable Coffee Plant downstairs in my building.

Apparently, the coffee bitches at the Coffee Plant recently were all a-fucking-titter after they found a scathing on-line review of their demoralizing drudgery. I was so excited that they had come across my very own declaration of jihad, alas, however, it was not me. But I digress...

So, if you happen to work in downtown Portland, Oregon, or if you're just stopping by, and you need a little pick-me-up during the long gray winter malaise, then I strongly recommend that you stop for a shot of titillating how-dee-do at Bikini Coffee.

(Located at 520 SW 5th Ave)