Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Dave Is Making My Job Easier

Dave Week continues here at the Lounge. Here is his latest post. Of course, Dave will be traveling for the next couple of days, so I suspect this will be his last for a while. Likely, however, there will be some interesting photos posted here after Saturday night...

And now, more Dave (with only a few photos added by me this time):

The Devil's Advocates
-By Dave


Here's a little religious history for you, courtesy of Brian's heathen atheistic pulpit. When the Catholic Church used to propose religious law, they would first debate the proposed amendment within the Vatican by a council assembled by the Pope. The opposing viewpoint would be defended by a versed religious scholar who was designated "the Devil's Advocate" for the argument. It was not a popular position to hold, because you would invariably need to argue as a proponent of something rather heinous – "No, I think it's a good idea to let men marry household plants", "Yes, babies are worthwhile substitutes for oven kindling" and so forth.

Brian and I know the trials of this – we acted as the Devil's Advocate for Libya back when Uncle Moammar Khaddafi was still deemed an evil person and threat to all good decency in a civilized world. His major crime was creating a line of death, taking a few potshots at the US Navy that had decided to park half a dozen warships juuust outside of the international ocean borders (the diplomatic equivalent of 'I'm not touching you'.) Now he's thankfully one of the good guys. Har har har.

One of the teachers in our high school thought it would be a good idea to stage a mock United Nations council to teach the students about world politics and government and so forth. Brian and I were occasionally involved with Model United Nations, when I would show up and Brian wasn't busy stealing people's combs. So Brian and I were chosen as the representatives of Libya, during a public debate about whether Libya should be kicked out the United Nations. That's the way to get chicks right there – defend a country the whole United States has declared an international satan, deep inside the good old suburbia of Southern California (not quite the most liberal section of town.)

Getting the prerequisite number of students to represent the General Assembly was tricky, and many Spanish classes were pulled into the little experiment to act as the Southern American countries. I didn't get it either, but there they were. Representing the United States was a well-liked upper classmen who was active in student body and considered an extremely nice person by everyone. Brian and I, on the other hand, were rightly pegged early on as dweebs.

An indefensible argument, against a more popular opponent in a jaded environment. We did the only sensible thing one could do – we went on the verbal attack. We asked the adjudicating teacher if we could read prepared statements, which was not expected by either the teachers or the United States representative. We began by denouncing the whole proceedings, denouncing the whole accusation and accused the U.S. representative as a bold-faced liar. In pro wrestling terms, we turned heel and turned heel big.

The U.S. rep was actually shaken – she didn't expect to be on the defensive and spent a large portion of the first half of the proceedings defending the actions of the United States and trying to regain momentum. Meanwhile, Brian and I tag-teamed among our fellow constituents, striking secret deals wherever we could while the other one continued the verbal assault on America and its representative – the representative of Nicaragua verbally spoke out against the U.S. involvement in their elections, the tiny nation of Bhutan became the most vocal advocate of our sovereignty. My personal crown jewel – I had asked one of the more popular guys among the "Woodworking Shop/Graphic Arts crowd" to make a statement. He had no idea what he was debating, and had no real interest in the proceedings. But we convinced it would be cool to stand up and speak. So he did - "I disagree with everything she's saying and agree with them." We actually got some applause for that. Totally unearned and meaningless to the proceedings and yet perfect in its way.

Still, it would be a fantasy to say our conniving and dirty tricks carried the day – we were still high school kids in a corner of the Conservative California Suburbia, defending an unpopular country who was testing the U.S. war machine's patience. Brian and I certainly couldn't defeat the public opinion being whipped by the news, the political machines, etc. No, we lost. But only by eight votes. Eight…out of a hundred students.

We'll get them next time, Brian.

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In case you don't know what this Model United Nations thing is that Dave is talking about, I'll let the Decemberists explain it to you...

10 comments:

  1. uhh, where can I get those outfits for my wife?

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  2. casa diablo8:04 AM

    The gin is open, the tonic fizzing, your chairs are ready and the girls are getting excited.

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  3. McSame8:14 AM

    Speaking of the United Nations and politics in general. I am 5 points ahead. Woo Hooo old guys rock.

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  4. I'm disappointed Dr B doesnt know where to get his wife the outfits...

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  5. Outfits... Another photo submission contest?!

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  6. hello kitty4:07 PM

    I do believe there may be another non-contest in the works...

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  7. My Melody6:33 PM

    No one ever pays attention to me

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  8. dirty nun9:05 PM

    Scotch swilling narcissistic pervy lawyers make me ooze the holy water, if you know what I mean...

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  9. Will there be a slide show of Dave week available on Friday?

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  10. I don't think there were enough people in my whole school to make a Model UN.

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Be compelling.

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