Apparently, he would drive a PT Cruiser. Thanks to Mrs. Gin-and-Tonic for this LINK. Somebody, please tell me how tricking-out a shitty car serves the Lord.
Oh, and on the subject of messiahs and automobiles, as I was sitting in traffic on I-205 the other day, I saw one of those back-window decals showing Calvin (of Calvin and Hobbes fame) kneeling at the foot of a cross, spiky head bent in prayer. Now, call me a puritan, but I sincerely doubt that Bill Waterson ever licensed his Calvin image for any religious-oriented automobile adornment. Which means only one thing, the evangelical pick-up truck driver in front of me violated several federal copyright laws to spread his childish superficial version of the gospel. I'm no theologian, but doesn't God frown upon theft? Just sayin...
From what I understand, Sam didn't license images from Calvin & Hobbes for anything. So, yes, those dirty Christians are stealing again. But, it isn't the first time. As you pointed out before, its the only way they were able to have any decent holidays.
ReplyDeleteJesus would probably drive this.
ReplyDeleteThat is to say if he weren't flying or walking on water.
Jesus had a woody??? Suddenly, the DeVinci Code makes more sense...
ReplyDelete"Put on some chrome plate in the front and back. (Not to much.)" Is it too much to ask for people to use the correct homonym? I can't stand a homonymphobe. It's TOO MUCH. Too much, people! And how does the PT Cruiser Christian decide where the line is for chrome. How much chrome says compassionate conservative and what says hateful heathen?
ReplyDeleteShit man... Jesus would ride something fly, like maybe this:
ReplyDeletePIMP'N!!
But man, he would have it tight. Maybe with spinners.
No wait. I am thinking of James D.
Nevermind.
Amanda, I think you should email the Jalopies for Jesus folks and correct their grammar.
ReplyDeleteAnd Carl, really, I'm speachless.
I once made a porn star blush. She was spending the evening having drinks with me (Brian may have been there, I don’t recall) and between her sets of doing “feats” naked on stage, she would do stints at her table and sign pictures of herself with a cock in her mouth. I think she did two or three shows that night. It was a “headliner” gig. Her new movie “Taking on the Team” had just been released.
ReplyDeleteNothing was out of the ordinary at that point. Me and a pornstar. Lots of people naked. Alcohol. A regular Wednesday.
Then it happened.
Girls had been “dancing for dollars” through the night. One thing led to another, and the gauntlet was thrown. She wanted to know if I could “earn a dollar.”
Well, I did. I shall not describe my “feat.” Your retinas singe enough by now I am sure. I did not take off any clothes. No nudity whatsoever. But I did my dance and earned my dollar. Her comment was, “That is the freakiest thing I have ever seen.”
This was from a DP / choke queen who has done her fair share a bukkake. Of course when you think about it, I don’t know that there is such a thing as a “fair share” of bukkake. I mean really. I think if we all get a “fair share” I will pass on mine. Brian can have my share.
Up until now, that was one of my great successes. I made a porn star blush. But now that fades in comparison. I have left Brian speechless. I do not know that there is anything left for me to do.
My work in this world may be done.