Friday, November 11, 2005

Flipper-Free

According to the CIA, as of July, 2005, there were approximately 6.5 Billion people on this planet. Scientists estimate that the planet will reach its resource production limit when the total global population reaches 10 Billion. In response to this threat, the Zero Population Growth (ZPG) movement advocates a system whereby reproductive partners limit their replacement offspring to one per partner. Thus, over the course of two to four generations, assuming 100% global compliance, the population would reach a state of equilibrium. With older generations dying off, there would be an equal number of younger family members to take their place.

In most western industrialized nations, there has been a natural movement toward ZPG, and in population-crisis countries like China and India, the governments have gotten involved to stave of disaster. Then, there is my friend, Princes Leah. Princess, who has two perfectly fine children already, felt the need for a spare. While she denied that she was spinning the genetic roulette wheel for the elusive double-X, everyone who knows her knew she was gunning for a girl.

Problem is, Leah is OLD. Very OLD. Soo OLD in fact, that there was just a slight chance that her child might NOT be born with flippers, eleven fingers, or whatnot. It was pretty much a foregone conclusion that #3 was on a one-way road to Tard-ville.

Well, the test results just came back, and sure enough, Princess caught an ace on the river. She is finally having the girl that she always wanted one of her boys to be. What's more surprising is that it's not a total retard. In fact, the test results suggest that it's actually going to be quite normal. So, ya, OK, here's my congratulatory note to mother and flipperless fetus.

(Hey Leah, is that the post you were looking for?)

8 comments:

  1. Oh, very nice, coming from King-of-the-Mutants-Two-Belly-Button-Boy-Brian. I know in your tiny little freak heart, you're secretly happy for me. If for no other reason then you don't want to deal with your wife freaking out when I freaked out. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've only bought about twenty little pink outfits in the past two days and I have more shopping to do.

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  2. Hey, don't accuse me of being decent.

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  3. Do they know who the mother is?

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  4. Perhaps PL is in fact a Princess. If so, the "What about me!!" tone of her frequent comments (and Brian's reluctant post) would be understandable. However, given that PL seems to be popping out babies in a rather unprincess like fashion (except for them being properly all boys), I submit that PL may just be pre-wired that way. I know I come here to hear what Brian wants to write about. I suggest that others do as well. At the risk of plager-blogging, I offer the following advice for PL from a comment I read elsewhere:

    [P]erhaps you're not familiar with the concept, but there's this thing called "etiquette". The way it works is, this is [Brian's] blog, and [he] writes about what [he] wants to write about. So that there is some organization, [he] might choose to - say - talk about a silly TV show in one thread, and talk about Supreme Court nominations and the law in another. This makes it easy for the rest of us to be able to read the things we like to read, while skipping the rest.

    If you have a discussion topic you'd like to propose to [Brian], there's this other thing called "e-mail" that you can use. It's handy - it lets you have a private conversation without the rest of the world listening in. For example, you could suggest that [he] write about something that you'd like [him] to write about.

    I suppose it is possible that you are acquainted with both of these concepts, and are simply ignoring them because you have something which you feel is so important that it must reach the Internet at once. In that case, there is an admirably simple solution: you can get yourself what is called a "blog", and write about whatever topics you wish, and people who share your interests or who find your writing interesting may join you there.

    It's really a very lovely set of concepts.


    Cheers!

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  5. Awww...so mean to the pregnant princess. Perhaps Brian posted about my flipperless baby because it DOES interest him. Afterall, he IS the father.....everyone knows my husband only throws out Y sperm. And yet Bri has a daughter. You do the math. And for those playing along, that's libel, not slander.

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  6. ew! ew! ew! ew! eeewwwwWWWWWWW!!!!!

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  7. Heh heh. Yeah, ditto, babe.

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  8. This earns an ew from me too.

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Be compelling.

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