Sunday, November 20, 2005

Hu You Calling Yellow?

Oh, China, home of General Tso's Chicken and exporter of my nemesis, the finger trap! Curse it! Long has it been an isolated nation, a sort of East Asian China-Town of its own, so to speak. After Mao grabbed the reins in 1949 and instituted the mandatory social homogenization known euphemistically as the Cultural Revolution, the funny little bastards closed up shop and turned their 1.3 billion backs on the West.

Recently, however, something has been brewing. In just the past few months, China has stepped up its exploration of space, and has even announced a kennedy-esque mission to the moon. Where once, Chinese technology and scientific advances were held close and kept hidden from the west, Chinese astronomers have recently been announcing remarkable discoveries in space. Strangest of all has been the recent reversal and official celebration of Albert Einstein, who has long been inexplicably held with contempt and distain by the Chinese Government. (Not sure what he did to piss them off...)

China has also been advancing its position in recent months as an international peace maker and regional mediator. Spokespersons for the PRC have specifically and repeatedly referred to China as a Peacemaker. I just find it odd. Sort of like that meeting in November 1992....

Clinton had just won the election, and G. Bush Sr. was on his way out. Clinton had run partially on a platform of getting tough with China for its many human rights offenses. Clinton showed up at the White House for the first of several transition meetings with the out-going administration. The meeting was supposed to last for one hour. However, Clinton was in the oval office with Bush for over four hours. On his way out of the building, the very first thing Clinton said was, "We need to rethink out position on China." Clinton/Gore then proceeded to collect millions of dollars from China over the following eight years. True story.

What I've always wondered was, what was said in that meeting? Anyway, something's up, I just don't know what it is.

In other news, one of the top Vatican Scientists (a Jesuit astronomer!) declared this week that Intelligent Design is not science and should not be taught as such. Jesus, where was this guy when Galileo needed him?? It's interesting that the Popen-fuhrer's science department is siding with us secular humanists. Perhaps, there is hope for the beatification of Hugh Hefner after all...

Alright, enough about politics and science, let's talk about Harry Potter.

We saw Goblet of Fire today. When I read the book, I tried to figure out how they would squeeze it all into one movie. Well, now I know. They just gut the story. Perfectly solid though. I enjoyed Ralph Fiennes as You-Know-Who, he always plays evil well. The story mostly follows the book. The look and feel of the movie was more similar to Cuaron's vision than that of Chris Columbus.

The really important thing, however, was how hot the girls were. I mean Emma Watson, Goddamn, when will she turn 18?? And now Bonnie Wright, who plays Ginny Weasly... Please god, let her grow up and get into porn... And the two girls who played the Patil sisters, I'll show them a little something about Bollywood, if you know what I mean.

So, that was my weekend. How was yours?


  1. Anonymous11:14 AM

    The best part of the new Harry Potter film was the higher profile of the Weasley twins. God bless Fred and George. And, if we are going to get into underage crushes, Cedric was very hot.

  2. I have been in Hawaii for the last 5 days. That was my weekend. Don't worry, its not like it is a vacation or anything. They pay me to be here.

    They did rent a theatre here so we could have a private screening of the Potter film. They do it for all the Potter films and last three Star Wars films. A long way for a movie, but to see a film in a giant stadium screen where it is just your private party is kind of neat. Not worth the flight for the Potter film. Was worth it for Star Wars.

    Next week I go back to China. There is some special assembly room where I am going. I have been informed that arrangements have been made for me to sit in Mao’s chair and to have my picture taken as Chairman. I have no idea what is what, but they say it is like getting to sit in the president’s chair in the oval office. I probably have 130# on ole Mao. Money is the old chair breaks.

    Whatever. It's a job.

    But I like going to China. It is the most capitalistic country I have ever seen. Sure it is communist, but they are also the most extreme capitalist economy in the world. They don’t have to off-shore their cheap third world labor like we do. They have their own captive third world labor force. It is an amazing country with amazing people.

    It should be a good two weeks. I have 2+ hours of massage scheduled each day. My contacts there already bought the new Potter film on DVD for me, and the new AeonFlux and Narnia films too. Which is a good thing because I will miss my private screening of the Narnia film on opening weekend here in Hawaii.


  3. The sad thing is, folks, Carl is likely telling the truth...

  4. are carl and princess leah related?


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