Rudolph The Subtextual Reindeer

Am I wrong? Did I simply drink too much wine tonight? Have I been watching too much Six Feet Under??

At the risk of sounding like "Dr." James Dobson, after my 35th annual viewing of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, it suddenly struck me that there is an enormous and thinly veiled homoerotic subtext running through the 1964 claymation Christmas special centered around the shiny-nosed buck.

While Rudolph himself has to hide his true self under the cover of a false nose to avoid locker room hazing, and eventually wanders into the wilderness with other outcast boys and men, the true persecuted homo is Hermey, the elf.

Hermey, with his fey grin and golden waves, is unable to keep up with the manly elf tasks like painting toy wagons. His mind wanders off to splendid fantasies about being a dentist! Of course his Macho elfin father-figure just doesn't understand. Now, simply exchange "dentist" for "interior decorator" or "jazz dancer" and the truth of the story becomes clear.

And what do these two misfit boys do? Why, they wander off into the woods with a burly redheaded truck driver. Subtle.

Of course, they all eventually end up on the Island of Misfit Toys, a transparent metaphor for San Francisco in the 1960s. Clever.

And the Bumble? First he opposes them. Then he reveals himself to be one of them. I'm calling him a catholic priest. Perhaps, he, in fact, represents all catholic priests.

Have a holly jolly Christmas, my ass. The funniest thing, pointed out by Mrs. Gin-and-Tonic, is while the message is about tolerance, the story is rampant with narrow-minded sexism. So, make way for the queens, but leave the girls at home.