If I made movies...
Not all of my characters would have Kung Fu skills, and those who did, would be bound by the fundamental laws of physics.
My protagonist's point would not be proven by his/her ability to shoot and/or punch things in the head.
Christina Ricci would be in all of my films, and she would have frequent gratuitous nude scenes!
My signature shot, like bullet time, or the Mexican stand off, would be the extreme close-up of sweaty men eating soup.
During the fast-action scenes of chaos and fear, I would hold the goddamn camera still so the audience could see what was happening.
Eric Estrada would have a part in every film, the biggest part possible.Maggie Gyllenhaal would also be in all of my movies. She would frequently be featured in scenes where she was biting her lip.
I would never make a movie about people making movies or even set anywhere near Hollywood. Too incestuous…
I would introduce to western audiences the Bollywood concept of inserting lavish musical dance numbers into random scenes just for the hell of it.
I would never let Quinton Tarantino anywhere near my set. I mean, great director, but annoying as hell.
Finally, and most importantly, no monkeys. Ever.
What a sight it would be to see Christina Ricci in a Bollywoodesque song and dance number.
ReplyDeleteWhat - no hot red-heads with short hair?????
ReplyDeleteIt was meant to be a secret, but I have been trainig a rare red-headed squirrel to dance in a sari...
ReplyDeleteCould it be the "Leah" of Brazilian joke fame? I do hope so. I agree with the plight of the squirrels, though the squirrel wrangling business seems to be doing OK.
ReplyDeleteNow, in case you hadn't noticed, I've become something of a heel around here. Looking at it all, they are probably right. Something about the anonymity of these postings makes one say things that they otherwise wouldn't.
So, in an effort to turn the tide, I bid you a warm welcome to the Lounge. Let me know if there is anything I can do to make your stay more enjoyable. Brian is quite a writer, and a quick wit for sure (yes, and clever...I still remember the one about vanilla.) You are sure to enjoy yourself!
Holy crap - what dirt did Brian find on Abestis to make him write such a kiss butt comment like that. Really - Bri doesn't need your pitty - keep bringing it on I say!
ReplyDeleteOh, to be sure, Brian seems like a tool...a geeky tool at that, insofar as one can tell from a blog. No, the misdeeds of which I speak have been mostly here in the comment spaces.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, some of y'all seem to know Brian personally or you have gleaned something from his posts that I have not. I'll take your word that Brian deserves no pitty and remind him of that at appropriate intervals. His posts are good stuff though...I keep coming back for more.
But that's just me. Why are y'all here?
I can speak only for myself. I'm here for the unlimited supply of ass candy.
ReplyDelete