Sunday, October 02, 2005

Soon her Mama with a Gleaming Gloat Heard

Is it possible that The Sound of Music was the best motion picture of all time?

Well, NO, but it does have a knack for getting stuck in your head. Every year, right around Christmastime, some time after the annual viewing of A Charlie Brown Christmas, but before the last-minute showing of It’s a Wonderful Life, the Julie Andrews song fest would air, and my mother would make me watch it.

I eventually grew up, left home, and moved to Oregon to go to law school. I was sure that by leaving home, I was escaping any further obligation to watch that movie ever again. I was, of course, wrong. Much to my chagrin, I discovered early on that my roommate, who was mostly not gay, although is currently no longer alive, was obsessed with the movie, which he owned on VHS; and the soundtrack, which he had on CD.

Now, some of you have already heard the pink polo shirt/khaki shorts/red Miada/gay paint salesman/Goat Herder Song story. So, I’ll skip over that for now.

Suffice to say, by the end of our joint tenancy, I had learned a few things. For instance, I learned how to make children’s clothing out of curtains. I also learned that Edelweiss was the national flower of Austria, a doe was a deer (a female deer), and that 17 follows 16, chronologically speaking.

I also learned that Julie Andrews (or Maria Von Trapp) had a peculiar list of favorite things. I mean some of the things on her list are sort of OK. Raindrops on Roses are fine, and who doesn’t like girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes? Still though, the list was her own. So, perhaps, I should share mine with you.

[Cue music]

Raindrops in Portland and Scotch with two ice cubes
Light-traffic drive-time and strippers with real boobs
Heavy drink glasses all crystal and clean
These are a few of my favorite things

Blackberry cobbler and cold gin and tonics
Massaman curry and home electronics
Smokey beef brisket and real Irish cheese
These are a few of my favorite things

Illegal cigars and dark local Pinot
Winning at poker at native casinos
My howler monkey’s first word is Daddy
These are a few of my favorite things

When the bills bite
When the boss stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad


  1. amanda12:50 PM

    How long did you sit there with your tongue sticking out a wee bit from the corner of your mouth contemplating rhyme schemes and word choice? Was this a multi-night undertaking, or something you did ages ago all hoping against hope that you could use it at some juncture in the future? Or could it possibly be that you're just clever (or something vaguely equivalent) and quick?

  2. So, you admit that I'm clever...

  3. Why, Amanda, must you use your comments to bash others. I sense some serious insecurities with respect to your vocabulary. I mean, to attack a man for his wit and then to write what you did....Honestly, in your comment, don't "clever" and "quick" mean the same thing? Even worse, isn't it somewhat it redundant, repetitive and duplicative to say 1.) clever, 2.) quick and 3.) something vaguely equivalent? Yes, ja, si.

    Here's a thought. Instead of filling this space with your bile, how about a hearty "thank you" to Brian for taking the time, whether it be 10 minutes or 10 days, to put something together for our enjoyment. I suppose when all you are interested in is a derogatory remark, it doesn't matter.

    I'll be back for more of his quirky, pithy and funny (not all synonyms...ah, a vocabulary is a wonderful thing) posts. If you choose to add to the conversation, I look forward to your remarks. If not, well, while I suspect it will do no good, I'd ask that you please post elsewhere.


  4. hmmm... I'm happy to see that, uh, I have such, um, adoring fans... er...

  5. Anonymous11:30 PM

    You are the only person I know who could rhyme something with "gin and tonic"....but then I don't know many people.
    A very enjoyable blog.
    Thank you kindly.

  6. Anonymous7:38 AM

    Brian, I have to say in all the years I've known you, I've never particularly liked you...until this post. That made me giggle like a schoolgirl...which let's be honest, I do anyway...

  7. My baby's smile and Starbucks Chantico;
    Blueberries, ginger and Christmas with real snow;
    Leather-clad vampires and all that Joss brings;
    These are a few of my favorite things.

    Harry James Potter and big soft shell crab rolls;
    Flannel pajamas and new shoes by Dansko;
    Daria's guide, macaroni and cheese;
    These are a few of my favorite things.

    When traffic bites;
    When the baby cries;
    When I'm feeling mad;
    I simply remember my favorite things and then I don't feel so bad.

    Damn you Brian, now I'm going to sing this for a week.

  8. Anonymous9:48 AM

    Its official. Abestis is an idiot just looking for a reason to start an argument. Since when does "clever" and "quick" mean the same thing? In order to be clever, one must be quick, that is true. But one can be quick without being clever at all.

  9. Cheers to Ux for getting in to the spirit of things.


Be compelling.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.