Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Subscription Prescription


Can you learn anything about a person by the magazines they subscribe to? Some lawyers think so. Many prospective jurors have been booted because of poor periodical purchases, or due at least to the spectre of bad taste, based on nothing more than the the titles of the mags, rags and journals delivered to their homes.

Is that fair?

I don't know. Do you read Guns & Ammo or The Utne Reader? Esquire, GQ or Details? Do you read Playboy for the articles and Newsweek for the pictures? Do you subscribe to Martha because you like her cupcakes, or because you think she is a sultry corporate temptress?

Are you a Cosmo girl? Or is Road and Track more your speed?

Entertainment Weekly? Variety? Premier? Are you in the biz, or do you just like movies? Maybe you just like movie stars. In which case, perhaps you prefer Us, Star, or People.

And what to do with Playgirl? Sexually independent heterosexual feminist, or horny gay man?

For years, I subscribed concurrently to Maxim and National Geographic. Taken as a whole, it would not be unfair to make certain assumptions about my personality based on those two bits of information.

I have let them run their course, however. I have let the subscriptions run. I ignored the bright red warnings in the mail, and simply waited for them to stop arriving. I have been thinking, however, of replacing them.

But with what? That is the question.

Something with scantily clad women to be sure, but also something with topical newsiness. Something political with a Libertarian twist. Something with men's gadgets, gear and silk ties. Something with popular abstracts of scientific exploration. Something about digital techno toys. Something geeky. Something prurient. Something with photos of photons, quarks, quasars or galactic collisions.

I just don't know.

Any suggestions?


  1. I'll pick you up a few titles in Tokyo next week.

    There are dozens of magazines with titles like:

    Super Fun Teen Panty Girls!

    Please Mister Boss Man, Show Me How Again. (this is all articles, no pictures)

    School Girl Bukkake Blast.
    (this is all pictures, no articles)

    Super A #1 Good Time School Girl Bukkake Blast.

    Oh Oh Oh! Ah Ah Ah! Oh Oh Oh!

    And there is the Japanese print version of:

    Japan Suicide Girls Weekly.

    I am sure any one of these fine titles would be well received by your literary palate.

  2. Well, there's always FHM. More pictures, less substance than Maxim. The middle child always says it's mommy's magazine because "there's a picture of a girl on front." Hey, works for me.

  3. I like Popular Science, although it's kind of short on scantily clad girls.

    I've been a regular subscriber to the following ecclectic array of publications:

    Psychology Today
    Road and Track
    Cook's Illustrated
    Rolling Stone
    Popular Science

    And my favorite...

    School Girl Bukkake Blast.

  4. You do seem a Big Butt Magazine kind of fellow, Brian.

  5. Current:
    1.National Geographic
    3.Lego Magazine (this is the best one by far, and it does have a skantily clad Lego Princess Lea in Return of the Jedi bikini).
    4.Scouting (Boy Scout Magazine light on scantily clad women)

    One of my favorites was Texas Monthly. Very hip and cool with lots of important Texas happenings.

    And of course School Girl Bukkake Blast!

  6. Ryan -- The Lego Magazine must have made you have multiple orgasms when you laid hands on it. Legos? Scantily clad Lego Princess Leah? Jesus... did you actually die and go to heaven??? ;)

  7. I did not make a mess of the Lego Magazine. But I make "no comment" on the realization of my Lego Princess Lea fantasies.


Be compelling.

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