Monday, January 29, 2007

08

Clinton
Obama
Giuliani
McCain

The two-year orgy of political obscenity has begun. Soundbites are being honed. Podium color patterns are being group-tested.

Hillary is fine-tuning her "not-a-complete-bitch" act.
Obama is perfecting his white-man voice.
Giuliani is trying to convince folks that he is really actually a Republican.
McCain is just trying not to refer to the Press as the "Cong."

Sure, there are others, but they are all ugly, and don't stand a chance. Well, ugly that is, except for Edwards and Romney. Unfortunately, Edwards has proven himself to be a second-fiddle loser, and Mitt looks and sounds like a car salesman.

So, that leaves us with the big four.

Which, once again, leaves me underwhelmed. After living for the last four years in this idiocracy (Wallmartopia?), I think I'd like a smart person to run the country. Someone who wasn't a cheerleader at Yale. Someone who will not embarrass us overseas.

I want a president with charisma and savvy. Someone with Leadership, not bound by antiquated notions or morality. Someone with business sense, yet able to play to the simple man's spirituality. Someone not beholden to any particular political party.

In short, I think I'm looking for a presidential candidate like Anton LaVey. Tragically, Wikipedia tells me that Mr. LaVey died about 10 years ago.

So, that just means I need to look a little harder.

Let's see, Charisma, business savvy, fluid morality...

Oh yes, I have just the person. Friends, fellow Loungers, I present to you the first official Gin and Tonic Lounge political endorsement:


32 comments:

  1. amanda7:18 AM

    But...isn't she a convicted felon? She has less of a chance than Arnold Schwarzenegger.

    Although I would argue that I wish politicians would simply own up to the fact that they've made a lot of unsavory alliances and calculated decisions that craftily negotiate that whole line between was is technically legal and what is full on criminal.

    How many proverbial (and literal) dicks do you have to suck to become the "darling of the party?"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Being a convicted felon is a plus in my book. She obviously knows how real negotiating works now. As Amanda eluded to, she also knows know become the "darling."
    I think its a strong choice. Imagine all of the diner parties too. We could get recipies during the State of the Union...information that is finally useful.

    Well Done Brian

    ReplyDelete
  3. This political stuff is getting boring.I don't even understand British politics let alone American

    More nakedness please, like on mine..

    ReplyDelete
  4. amanda9:10 AM

    Lisa,

    I saw a really adorable picture of Liam in a kilt and a tight henley shirt toasting someone recently. I'll find it for you. No nudity, but it's cute.

    ReplyDelete
  5. oooh, yes please..
    I found a cute kilt page just yesterday. Gorgeous men, in kilts - I was in heaven

    ReplyDelete
  6. After attending Brian's wedding, I will never be able to look at another kilt. And Yes, he wore it correctly. EWWWWWWW

    ReplyDelete
  7. amanda9:44 AM

    Hahaha! I loved those pictures of him sitting, completely unaware of what he was broadcasting. Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Gives the phrase "up-skirt" a whole new, and slightly disturbing, meaning

    ReplyDelete
  9. I wanna see....

    It disturbs me that I do, but all the same, I do

    ReplyDelete
  10. No Lisa, you dont...trust me.
    Imagine a hacky sack covered in uncooked chicken skin. Oh god, I cant get the image out of my head now..thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Anonymous10:11 AM

    Can we change the subject now, you people are disturbed.

    ReplyDelete
  12. kilt admirer10:13 AM

    REAL men wear kilts!

    ReplyDelete
  13. It is easier to run away with your kilt up than with your pants down.

    ReplyDelete
  14. amanda10:30 AM

    Dr. Brian, truer imagery was never evoked. My corneas hurt.

    Oh, and who are you people who come into the comments section just to underscore the obvious. Yes, yes, we realize we're disturbed and most likely disturbing. Duly noted ages ago.

    ReplyDelete
  15. amanda11:09 AM

    Dr. Brian,

    Do you check the blog and write your comments from the computer consoles mounted near the dental chair? Do you roll around on your little wheeled stool or do you sit on the exam chair?

    ReplyDelete
  16. Back to politics.

    Much to my disappointment, I predict Hillary Clinton will be the next President. The country is firmly Blue and will remain so while we have a Republican retard in office. There are no other Democratic front runners. Obama is a freshman congressman. His fame will burn out.

    ReplyDelete
  17. a female voter11:24 AM

    I will not, absolutely will NOT, vote for Clinton.

    ReplyDelete
  18. As someone who traditionally votes Democrat, if Hillary Clinton ends up being the main blue candidate, the Democratic ticket will get no Gouda endorsement.

    I'd sooner vote for Martha Stewart. And a basket of hair.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Okay... I just read "hackey sack covered in uncooked chicken skin."

    I'd vote for that for president too before I vote for Hillary. Besides ... what does this mean? Does Brian shave his testicles??

    ReplyDelete
  20. amanda11:45 AM

    That was his penis we were referring to. In the Grower vs. Shower, we hope that the photographic evidence of the kilt-clad wedding means that he's a Grower.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Mr. Obama1:04 PM

    I was the editor of the Harvard Law Review. Our good poster Mr. G & T, however, wouldn't even know how to read a law review.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Mr. McCain1:06 PM

    I could break Mr. G & T like a twig. And I'm twice his age. Of course. so could his pregnant wife....

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous Witness2:03 PM

    Brian has a large penis. I was a little scared when I first saw it in the mens bathroom.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous2:06 PM

    Nice try, Brian. And on your own friggin' blog?

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous Witness2:45 PM

    No really. I saw his large penis and it wasn't even one of Brian's gay encounters.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I've been told that Ryan checked out Brian's dick in the men's room and complimented him on it.

    ReplyDelete
  27. That statement is true.

    ReplyDelete
  28. I've been in a deposition this afternoon. Don't blame me...

    ReplyDelete
  29. And how is any of this going to get Martha elected?

    ReplyDelete
  30. Perhaps your penis needs to campaign for Martha. . . ?

    ReplyDelete
  31. The panty8:06 PM

    Crap, I was going to roll out my "Quayle 96'" and try to change the "96 to "08", but I guess no one wants it. Maybe I should wait until 2016 . . .

    ReplyDelete
  32. If Marth wore a kilt maybe we would learn that she did grow a pair? Now that would be impressive.

    ReplyDelete

Be compelling.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.