Monday, January 22, 2007

Migraine

Misuse (or over use) of the word "Migraine" gives me a headache.

Notice that I did not say: "It gives me a migraine."

That is because "Migraine" is not synonymous with the word "Headache." In fact, the term "Migraine" is not even synonymous with the phrase: "Really really bad fucking headache."

That's right, contrary to what you've been brainwashed to believe by over-the-counter pain relief advertisements, "Migraine" is NOT another word for "headache!!" It is a medical syndrome, and it has OTHER symptoms.

Please get it through your simple tension-headache-ridden skulls. If you have a really really bad fucking headache, it is possible (and in fact 85% likely) that all you have is the really really bad fucking headache, and you do not have Migraine Syndrome at all.

The real Migraine Syndrome is a neurological disorder. True, one of its common symptoms is headache. However, its other (overlooked) symptoms also include: altered mood, irritability, depression, euphoria, fatigue, excessive sleepiness, craving for certain food, stiff muscles, Sensitivity to touch, constipation or diarrhea, increased urination, flashes of white or multicolored lights or forma­tions of dazzling zigzag lines. Some patients complain of blurred, shimmering or cloudy vision, as though they were look­ing through thick or smoked glass.

Some complain of tunnel vision. Others, a feeling of pins-and-needles in the hand and arm as well the nose, mouth, face, lips and tongue. Other symptoms can include auditory or olfactory hallucinations, vertigo, and hypersensitivity to touch.

So, if you find yourself with a really really bad fucking headache, but you haven't woken from sleep covered in your own piss, with a sensitivity to the plastic-Jesus nightlight in the corner of your room, please DON'T tell me that you have a migraine.

Instead, just tell me you have a headache, OR, if you are prone to hyperbole, you may tell me that you are suffering from the worst goddamned debilitating headache you've ever experienced in your whole pain-filled life. That's OK too. Either way, I'll go get you some Ibuprofen and a glass of water.

Because I'm good that way.

9 comments:

  1. I know when I get a Migraine I get squishy eyes. I can actually rub my eyes and they make a squishy sound. And you didn't say anything about wanting to throw up. Hmmmm and now that I think about it - i ususally do crave apples when I have one.

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  2. amanda7:17 AM

    I can never tell just by being nauseous. Being a misanthrope, I often feel like throwing up. Sometimes it coincides with feeling depressed, and intense sensitivity to light. Other times all of these things happen when I feel like there is a dagger piercing my eyeball and skull. But you're right. It's just a really bad headache.

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  3. I sometimes experience the following symptoms: seeing "flashes of white or multicolored lights or formations of dazzling zigzag lines", dizziness, dehydration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, incarceration, erotic lustfullness, and a desire to sing karaoke and play all night rounds of stip poker. Its either Migraine Syndrom or consumption of Tequila.

    Which one?

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  4. Anonymous8:52 AM

    There is actually a medical term for when someone says they have a medical condition worse than they actually have. Its called Princess Leah Syndrome. It isn't too debilitating for the victim, but it can be especially damaging for those around the victim. One man near a victim reported that it caused his ears to bleed. Very odd condition. It used to be quite rare but has become more common around these parts...I'm just sayin'.

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  5. I think most of us here have been the unfortunate victims of Princess Leah Syndrome (known to many by its acronym, PLS) at one time or another. Some of its symptoms are similar to those of a migraine: altered mood, irritability (or more specifically, a need to hit someone), depression, fatigue, and flashes of white or multicolored lights (a defense mechanism to prevent you from reading her comments).

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  6. If I have a headache, I usually think I have a brain tumour not a migraine

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  7. Dolphin Safe Tuna. I read that and well - I got nothing. Nothing. Touche.

    KS

    (From This Is What I do)

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  8. "altered mood, irritability, depression, euphoria, fatigue, excessive sleepiness, craving for certain food, stiff muscles, Sensitivity to touch, constipation or diarrhea, increased urination, flashes of white or multicolored lights or forma­tions of dazzling zigzag lines"

    I think I have a migraine most of the time.

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  9. The panty8:17 PM

    I know I have a yeast infection when I get that squishy feeling all over and it makes that squishy sound. It makes me want to throw up. I usually crave yogurt when I have one.

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Be compelling.

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