Sunday, January 14, 2007

A Message From Darth Vader


Good Morning. I am Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith.

As some of you are aware, the planet of Alderan was recently destroyed. The decision to obliterate it was a difficult decision to make. Every shred of intelligence gathered from our Bothan spies (and other sources) led to the single conclusion that the rebel base was there.

As it turned out, the rebel base was not on Alderan at all, and the planet didn't really have to be destroyed. The decision, while made in consultation with the Emperor and Grand Moff Tarken, was ultimately mine.

All mistakes made in this matter, therefore, were also mine. I take full responsibility for them. To that end, I have used the Force to crush the necks of my top advisers.

For the last several days, I have meditated upon this problem while sealed in my hyperbolic isolation chamber. I thought long and hard about how best to proceed. Our best course of action now seems clear.

Today is a day that will long be remembered. I am please to announce the kick-off of Operation Alderan Freedom. The plan is to send 12 legions of storm troopers along with the imperial fleet to attack a small moon at the edge of the galaxy, which seems to be inhabited by annoying little monkey children.

I know that some of you are critical of this plan, but honestly, I find your lack of faith disturbing. So, I would like to invite you to join me, and together we can rule the universe!

Thank you, and may the force be with you.

20 comments:

  1. Gabriel got his first storm trooper yesterday. one of the heavy duty titanium ones at OMSI. he slept with it. he named it bob. he hasn't let it out of his sight in 24 hours. i think he may be launching an attack against quinn's stuffed dogs....and when asked what he wants to be when grows up? he said darth vader....be afraid, very afraid....

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  2. Anonymous9:12 AM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  3. Anonymous9:32 AM

    Hmmm. Related to the post...yet also related to the womb.

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  4. If you were Darth Vadar I think the stormtroopers would look like this

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  5. Wow - Lisa, you couldn't be more correct.

    I think today's post shows what happens when Brian goes to sleep in his Luke Skywalker footie pajamas while listening to MSNBC in the background...

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  6. amanda12:17 PM

    Where in the world did you come across that? I'm trying to figure out what the search parameters would look like...

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  7. I actually saw it in someones MySpace comments a couple of weeks ago. I of course thought immediately of Brian but forgot to save it.

    I took a wild guess earlier and googled sexy stormtroopers - surprisingly there weren't many matches

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  8. Missing Storm Trooper1:49 PM

    It's true, I had a litte "work" done

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  9. Grand Moff Tarken3:36 PM

    You're going to be told lots of things. You get told things every day that don't happen. It doesn't seem to bother people, they don't . . . it's printed in the press. The world thinks all these things happen. They never happened. All I can tell you is, it hasn't happened. It's going to happen.

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  10. Little monkey children, my ass!

    Yub yub!

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  11. But... DAD!!! we were supposed to play catch!

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  12. anakin8:06 PM

    You cut off my hand, son...

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  13. Boba Fett8:53 PM

    It's disappointing that Princess Leah passed up such a great opportunity to be Princess Leah...

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  14. Very good point about Princess Leah. Perhaps she didn't take the bait because she couldn't discuss her birth canal.

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  15. I'm sure that Princess Leah's birth canal could be used to swallow up Darth Vader and the rest of the evil Empire. At least then the rebels would have found a positive thing to do with it.

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  16. I seem to remember princess leah chained to Jaba the hut as one of my first mastabatory fantasies.

    You her and Luke did it right.
    Even after they found out they were related.

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  17. I am in. Where do I sign up?

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  18. Lisa wins this blog's best comment award for her sexy stormtrooper image post. I'll never look at stormtroopers the same way again.

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  19. That photo reminds me - I need to call my dad.

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  20. hilarious, and perfect. Too bad Darth Bush would never get it...

    Actually, wasn't "Darth Bush" one of those Cinemax 2am movies...?

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Be compelling.

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