Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Blomiting

This is the first of the two Ginny Awards that I will award to myself. Appropriately, We begin with the worst of the worst. Now admittedly, the absolute worst was posted on June 29, 2006. It was so bad that it currently stands as the only post I ever actually subsequently deleted. Unfortunately, I don't recall the title, and it no longer exists. So, I'll award that post an honorable mention and move on.

So, let's do this countdown style.

5. Energy Equals Mass Times the Speed of Light Squared

This one completely fell apart on me, which, I guess, was sort of the point. Admittedly, I was too fresh from having seen the Huckabee movie. The movie screws with your head, which is what I wanted to write about, but the fact that my head had been screwed with made the task impossible. A vicious circle is what it was.

4. I've seen it rainin' fire in the sky

This one broke one of my very few rules. I wrote it despite the fact that I had nothing to say. While sometimes I can spin a post out of having VERY LITTLE to say, having NOTHING to say is quite different. The only saving grace was the photo collage of Christina and cheese.

3. For There are Brighter Sides to Life and I Should Know Because I've Seen Them

"Fifth try." That says it all. Again, an admitted lack of inspiration. I mused about things that "don't seem to make for appropriate blog fodder." And musing, as I've pointed out, is not worth reading. Of course, as Tom pointed out, it did mention the Smiths.

2. Anticlimactic

Name says it all.

1. Jimmy Crack Corn and I Don't Care

And here we are, Number One. This was the worst plog post of the year. It might not be immediately obvious to some.

First, it was long. Too long. Interminably LONG. Sure, my readers can read. But really, who can take 20 minutes out of their day to read my rambling nonsense? Well, OK, there are a few of you, but still...

Second, and this is the biggie, this is the post that caused the hiatus. See, as I go through the day I see, hear, think, or say things that I note down as possible blog topics. Usually, this is not a physical list. Rather, it is a swirling vortex of thoughts in my head. Most eventually get discarded because they aren't as interesting as I once thought. Some, however, make it to the blog.

At the point when this was written, I had a plethora of points to make, but nothing inspired. I couldn't form words around the ideas. There were no stories to tell. So, I thought it would be good to pour all of it out onto the blog. Purge the cache, so to speak. What resulted was this mess, as if I had vomited all over the blog. Blog vomit. Blomit. (Clever...)

When it was done, I had no more swirling ideas, and I still didn't have any witty words. It took a couple of days to realize, but I was empty. So, I took a break.

This post was horrible for me, and probably not pleasing for you. I hate this post. It gets the award.

17 comments:

  1. Anonymous12:31 AM

    Do you feel better now you got that off your chest?

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  2. Is it too late to nominate todays post for the award?

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  3. It's funny how even though you say these are the worst blogs, you temp us to read them again and again. Yes, they are still bad and it was clever how you turned the attention back on yourself again. Negative attention is still attention right?
    I have to go to work now, after I pull the pencil out of my eye socket.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sure Carl, we could give today's post an honorable mention.

    However, I think you're just sore because I didn't mention you in todays post.

    And yes BS, it's all about me.

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  5. Nah. My greatest regret is that I still read this blog.

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  6. The fucking of the chimpanzee being a close second.

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  7. It is comforting to know that I was mentioned in the worst blog. As was my beautiful baby. Although it was only a week after that blog that she was hospitalized and practically died. I blame you. You jinxed her. You suck.

    And now your kid has given up on taking baby's bottle and just sits there and pokes her all day long. Wonder where she gets her evil side???

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous4:51 PM

    Blah blah blah. Brian's baby. Leah's baby. B.S.'s baby. Tom's baby. Fuck. Why don't you just change the name to the "Teetertotter Lounge" and be done with it.

    Thank god I've never had anything gestate up in my goodies.

    ReplyDelete
  9. amanda5:33 PM

    Leah, consider your baby lucky. What I wouldn't do for a good solid, consistent poking. Even if it was the size of a baby's arm.

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  10. Well, Amanda, it is Brian's child....so it's considerably smaller than a baby's arm.....more like a baby's pinky....

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  11. Bill Heydorn11:03 PM

    Hey there turbo, why dont you come out of the veil of being anonymous so that we can poke fun at your inablility to procreate.

    ReplyDelete
  12. amanda11:03 PM

    However, annoying the baby's pinky would be, at least something other than myself and the vague attention of the pizza boy would be paying attention to my vagina...

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  13. amanda11:05 PM

    Bill, I love that you just said "Turbo." That's one of my favorite words. Let's chat... Or wait. I'm drunk. Let's not. I have bad judgment when I'm drinking (aside from every other moment of the day).

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  14. Amanda,
    I think it's time to advertise for a boobie boy - get Brian to write it.
    If you get lots of replies, send me one - or the pizza boy..

    ReplyDelete
  15. Amanda, Bill is a youth pastor. Or at least, the real Bill is...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Boobie Boy, Pizza Boy, Boy Toy, Goat Boy, Cabana Boy - sounds like a party!

    ReplyDelete
  17. amanda6:02 PM

    Pizza boy is a very exclusive party...

    Brian, if Bill is a youth pastor then he's having all sorts of naughty sex. I know all about those crazy Christian youth!

    ReplyDelete

Be compelling.

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