Friday, August 25, 2006


We've lost a planet. No, it didn't go anywhere. The powers that be simply voted it off the island.

It was either vote it out, or vote in anywhere between 3 and 12 new planets.

And what, you may ask, was the deciding factor?

It wasn't smooth enough. Apparently it does not contain enough mass to squeeze itself into a ball. So, it's not a planet.

Had the vote gone the other way, we would have added three new planets: Ceres, Charon, and Xena. Charon is, in fact, Pluto's moon, and Xena is, in fact, named after the TV character.

Alas, the tedious semantics debate ended poorly for Pluto and its Kuiper Belt buddies. All have been relegated to Dwarf Planet status.

Wouldn't it be cool, though, to vote other things out becasue they weren't smooth enough? I mean, take old people for instance. No one really likes them. They are all wrinkly. They often smell a little funny. Why not just vote on the definition of "human."

If we collectively decide that persons with smooth skin under the age of, say, 65 are human, and that persons who are not smooth or not under 65 are not human, then we can simply do with them as we wish. We could choose to call them anything, like "post-human persons," or simply "furniture."

And if grandma starts to act up, with her whiskey drinking and voodoo witchery, then simply wheel her out to the curb for morning pick up...

Reading for Comprehension:
1. If your grandmother was furniture, what piece of furniture would she be?
2. If we're going to refer to the new bodies as "Dwarf Planets," shouldn't there be a "Gimli?"
3. Xena. This is what happens when geeks gain power.


  1. Re: Evs last comment

    I have no socks on, but underwear and fingernails still intact..

  2. Ok - I'm taken beats - 2 out of 3.....

  3. a 14 year old girl9:42 AM

    We could choose to call them anything, like "post-human persons," or simply "furniture."


  4. Brian, I thought your grandmother was available for curb pickup already.

    If..... ya know what I mean.

  5. Post-humans are good.

    Most people are not much more than objects to me anyway.

    Yum Yum! LUNCH!

  6. inog's wife3:58 PM

    Now I know why inog wouldn't let me join him for lunch today. Or yesterday.

  7. Lets name other dwarf plantsafter the various American Gladiators:

    Tank . . .


Be compelling.

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