Tuesday, October 03, 2006

My Osama Bin Laden Prediction

Page Two of this morning's local paper featured a photo of President Bush planting an Elm tree. He had nothing in particular to say. He was just planting a tree.

Page One, however, featured the following stories:

1. Seven Amish girls were shot, execution style, in their small 18th century school house.

2. The Amish school shooting was the latest in a nation-wide epidemic of deadly school violence.

3. A conservative Republican Congressman was outed as a predatory homosexual pedophile, and the entire Republican congressional leadership was implicated in the cover up. (Not that there's anything wrong with being a predatory homosexual pedophile, but it just can't play well with the Pat Robertson-loving fan base back home.)

4. North Korea is planning a nuclear test.

5. 2/3 of American disapprove of the President's handling of Iraq.

6. 58% of American believe that he intentionally lied to provoke the war.

7. Republican candidates across the country are scurrying as fast as they can to distance themselves from Bush before the election.

Oh, and that mid-term election? It's coming up on November 7.

So, here is my prediction. Remember, loyal Lounge readers, you heard it here first, October 3, 2006, before it ever happened:

BEFORE NOVEMBER 7, OSAMA BIN LADEN WILL BE "CAPTURED."



I use quotation marks because he has probably already been in custody for some time, kept tucked away, comfortably, until his revelation was required. Also, "Captured" includes killed, or revealed to be dead.

Perhaps that is too conspiracy-sounding. I admit that it's possible he may be free, but do you really believe that the FBI, CIA, NSA and the US military haven't been able to track him down for over 5 years??

Puppet-Master Cheney is shrewd enough to hold onto that ace-in-the-hole for just the right moment. With the prospect of his oil-slathered co-conspirators losing control of every office down to dog catcher in Des Moines, I'd say this qualifies as the "right moment."

The GOP needs a major distraction. They need a tail, strong enough to wag the entire dog.

Remember, when the official announcement is made, I get the bragging rights.

Reading for Comprehension:
1. I assume this post will catch the attention of the fine folks over at the NSA. Hi guys! We're just exercising the First Amendment over here. While you're snooping around, be sure to check out the posts about
Vanilla and the Tinsel Hat!

2. Who are the other 42%, and why are they allowed out in public without helmets??


3. Why am I still a Republican? WHY??


Tags:

21 comments:

  1. I think the presidency has been floundering too much for too long. If they had Osama, they would have used him already.

    There will be something more than Woodward’s book soon I am sure.

    I no longer claim to be a Republican, for the same reason I do not fly the Confederate flag.

    I am voting Cylon.

    #8 for President.

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  2. Nah... I've heard this theory before, and like inog says, if they were gonna use Bin Laden, they would have by now. Truly and totally, the Republicans are screwed. But that's okay- that party has needed an enema for a very long time. The thing is, it's been happening steadily for the last four or five years... lol

    Not that Democrats are much better. Frankly, I think they all suck. Although I do predominantly vote Democrat. Whoever is the less socially conservative or socialistic gets my vote.

    That's why I hate Bush. He's a socially-conservative socialist. The worst of both worlds.

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  3. If they do have Osama and plan to use him for an election year win, they are waiting for the next presidential election. But, in reality, they need Osama out there as the scary enemy more than they need him captured or dead.

    I think the Republican party need tinsel hats all around.

    And, of all the articles in the paper yesterdya, I was hoping you would notice the article on dog training. Good stuff.

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  4. I did actually read the article on dog training.

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  5. Fred- you're right. They need Osama to be on the loose just like they need Roe v Wade to never be overturned. Without those issues to make empty promises on, they've got nothing.

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  6. I'm really, really, really hoping your theory isn't true because we need to get rid of these horrible politicians in office. And replace them with this lovely bowl of fruit! Ok, I've got to work on the replacement, but still, better than what we've got now.

    Oh, and you're still a Republican because you're an idiot. (That was a reference to the movie "Heathers" -- I would NEVER really call you an idiot. ;)

    Liberal-leaning Libertarian Laura

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  7. After 20 years as a registered Republican (yes I was a party member at age 15 before I could vote), I switched my party affiliation to None of the Above. Officially that makes me an Independent. Was it the administration's arrogance, fiscal irresponsibility, lack of moral leadership, desecration of military ethics, failure to uphold human rights, restrictions on personal liberty in the name of war, or absolute stupidity? Yes. But it was also that the Chairman of the Marion County Republican Party ran a ugly negative smear campaign against a sitting circuit court judge over a decision said Chairman disagreed with. The republican party is dead to me.

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  8. On a lighter note, I was elected President last season. So no need for new elections So #8, you can kiss my ass . . . . no really, I would like that.

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  9. I have no problem calling Brian an idiot. Bri- you're an idiot.

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  10. george w. bush11:41 AM

    I strongly believe what we're doing is the right thing. If I didn't believe it -- I'm going to repeat what I said before -- I'd pull the troops out, nor if I believed we could win, I would pull the troops out."

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  11. A few years back, my parents, who flounder between being labor-Democrats and religious-right Republicans decided to scrap it all and become independant. Unfortunately, They were confused by the registration process, and instead of checking "decline to state," They registered fro the American Independant Party.

    I corrected their error shortly, but for about two months, my folks were Communists.

    I will change my party affiliation shortly, mosltly for the exact reasons cited by Ryan above. The only decision left is whether to do independnat and give up participation in the primary, or to register with Laura's naughty little Libertarian Party.

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  12. I did not know Laura was a member of the "naughty" Libertarian party. Are the primary caucases held at Stars? Sex is a much more entertaining topic than Republican failures.

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  13. We should just band together and start the Porn Party.

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  14. Or the "Gin and Tonic People's Front."

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  15. Foreigners confused again...

    Our politics are so much easier - no wait - they are all fuckwits too so I guess its the same

    and The Sun (trashy UK tabloid) reported Bin Laden was dead about 3 weeks ago...

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  16. osama bin laden5:50 PM

    I DECLARE A JIHAD AGAINST THIS BLOG!!!!

    (Until you post more pictures of Christina Ricci)

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  17. If Brian ran for Prez - would the "hat" be his running mate?

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  18. ...and might I add, the Sun is a FINE, FINE newspaper. Part of a healthy and influential media conglomerate that's making the world truly a better place.

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  19. I only buy The Sun to keep Dave in a job..

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  20. Jesus Dave, with your greasy fingers into so many varying ventures, you should be handing out much more swag.

    know what I'm saying?

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  21. I say declare yourself a Libertarian. They are truly the funnest of the bunch. While I think some Libertarians can get a wee bit too fiscally conservative for my taste, I'm all about the legality of guns, drugs, and prostitution. Sign me up! lol

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Be compelling.

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