Thursday, March 27, 2008

Razor

In the waning sunlight of a warm December afternoon, as my mother did laundry and her attention was diverted, I crept stealthily through the side door of the garage.

I was crafty, for an 8-year-old, and I had my mind set on the prize. It required a step stool, and a flashlight, but I had done this before. I knew where he kept them.

With some blind groping along the high dusty shelf, I found the box, and clutched it with my fingers. It was my dad's dented and dusty box of utility razors, each wrapped for safety in its own cardboard sheath.

I picked out a new one, a sharp one, one that had not been dulled with use. Then silently, I slid the box back into place, and smuggled the razor into the house tucked away in my back pocket.

Having closed my bedroom door, I quickly shipped the razor from my pocket to the secret space under my desk, ready for the next phase...

At 8-years-old, my mother would leave me alone in the house, but only for a very short time. Enough time, for instance, to run to the store to buy some eggs, or such. It was enough time, though, to complete the task.

It was December, after all, and the fake plastic Christmas tree was up in the living room. And already, it was surrounded by alluring packages. Wrapped parcels, the contents of which I wanted to see. I had to see. I would see, and I wouldn't want to wait.

Sure it would be more fun to wait, but who had that kind of patience??

So, with surgical precision, I would slice the taped seems with my wicked-sharp razor, and carefully unfold the flaps to peer inside. I could sense a crappy carton of clothes just by looking at it, and I wouldn't waste my time on those. No, I went for the toys. The heavy solid boxes, packages that rattled, goodies shaped like well-known Star Wars merchandise.

Then, once tallied, I would fold the seems as they had been, and laid new tape exactly over the old tape, and no adult was the wiser. Fun, yes, for the moment, but it blew Christmas morning all to hell...

And in the end, all my Christmas fun was spoiled...

And that is why, kiddies, I will not be posting the submissions early. As of the writing of this post, we have 6 submissions, not including me. Each good in its own way. Some have sent more than one, leaving me with the choice. I will, however, only post one photo per submission (with one necessary exception).

So far, the women have shown all of the spirit and courage. And the guys?? Well, all of my begging for guys to send photos of their shorts is making me feel gay. Or at least gayer than usual. Not that there's anything wrong with it.

So Friday's the day, the dead line is tonight. Break out that digital camera or even your cell phone, and let's see your shorts!

Remember, this is a completely anonymous friendly exhibition, not a competition. Have fun with it! And please, no porn.

34 comments:

  1. Poo... alright, but you can bet your ass I'll be checking back in precisely 24 hours!

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  2. This got boring suprisingly fast.

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  3. We want undies! We want undies!

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  4. Lucky Red7:57 AM

    Inog...perhaps your boredom stems from your lack of ability to just say f' it and make a jackass out of yourself....don't be a wallflower...your hugging of the wall at prom was more then enough

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  5. Seriously? Good Lord. Who has time to read the blog on the weekend?

    inog is right, it's going to be a boring Friday for all. No undies, I'm sure....

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  6. I don't know why Brian didn't just ask his female readers to send him pictures directly. I mean come on, this whole thing is a little odd.

    Taking a picture of myself in Underwear feels incredibly gay and Brian requesting the pictures from his male friends is even more so.

    When it comes right down to it the girls dont really want to see us. They want to see each other so that they can compare.

    Sorry to shit on your parade.

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  7. SO...Dr. B, have your wife take the photo...make some fun out of it, have her submit hers...could be a fun night...just sayin'...

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  8. Seriously? Good Lord. Who has time to read the blog on the weekend?

    Amen!!!

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  9. I tried that line yesterday Marge. Apparently fun nights at Dr B's household don't involve undies.

    I don't see the big deal of a guy in his boxers. Don't any of them wear shorts in the Summer?

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  10. I don't get the big deal either Lisa, christ, we all shared and frankly I think I might like to see some of these guys in their skivvies.

    And yes, on the weekends, like I'm sure you have Helly we've got kids, laundry, date night, more kids, cleaning, etc..., so I don't generally read the blog.

    And Dr. B, the fun night could just start with underwear

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  11. I read on the weekends if I'm not working. I even take a peek if I am in work

    But then I have no life. My kids are of the age where mum is not required, just her wallet

    date night? sigh - if only...

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  12. The boxers aren't the big deal. The big deal is that some men shouldn't be seen in shorts/swim trunks/boxers/etc, period!

    Sometimes it's related to physical fitness (or lack thereof)-- flab hanging over the sides. Okay, not that big a deal.

    But more often, it's related to two things:
    1) pasty white skin-- how often have you been blinded at the beach when summer has just started?
    2) excess body hair.

    And both made worse by the fact that I'm not looking at some random stranger, I'm looking at people I "know" and have actually met in person.

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  13. I'm with you Marge-- weekends don't offer me much time to get online, either, especially this coming weekend.

    Maybe we should make a pact-- if he doesn't post by tonight, we are boycotting the blog till Monday morning.

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  14. HELLY: You are not helping our plight to get the men to post. I didn't say that I had a perfect body and that my pictures would get the guys all excited, I don't think that's really the point.

    And Lisa, I can't wait until the days the kids are old enough I can sleep in on a weekend and they can do chores. Mine are 15 months and 5 years

    And date night, don't be too jealous, it's just with my husband....HA!

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  15. Helly is being far too serious - it's just a little community spirit. And they dont need to show any skin or hair.

    My girls are 14 and 12 Marge - I would gladly swap with you...

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  16. We have the first guy submission...

    This is what waiting gets you...

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  17. Yeah, but there's a difference between "out of shape" and "natural fur coat"... the former I can handle, the latter... well, not so much :-/

    And anyway, I'm the type of person who will gladly let you ruin the ending of a book or movie for me... patience is NOT one of my virtues.

    I still say if he doesn't post tonight, we boycott the blog all weekend!

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  18. the hat10:02 AM

    WHAT?? you mean the Lounge can go a whole weekend wiithout a gaggle of yapping yentas blathering on and on and on??

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  19. Lisa, you would swap shitty diapers for a 12 and 14 year old? I'm kidding. I know what you mean, each age offers its challenges I'm finding. My mom can't wait until the 5 year old (a girl) is a teenager...pay backs are a bitch she says...

    SO Dr. B you submitted? G&T said a guy did and I'm guessing it's you!

    Helly, patience is not my virtue either, I say he posts them today. I won't even have time to get online at midnight to check for it tonight...

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  20. If I submit I will be naked and also flipping the bird. Jesus christ! 19 comments in like an hour.

    Get to work people!

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  21. Dr. B, he said no pornography. Did I just say that G&T said no pornographic photos.

    And, it's Friday, I think most of us work desk jobs...ever heard of 'pretending' to work?

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  22. Well, yes, I pretend to know how to give breast exams all the time.

    My soft tissue examinations are very extensive.

    Did you just say no pornographic pictures?

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  23. pornographic pictures11:26 AM

    Ah shoot, No one wants me.

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  24. I did, but I think originally Mr. G&T said no pornographic photos, which when I thought of it again surprised me....

    Dentists give breast exams now? I'm going to the wrong dentist..

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  25. princess12:15 PM

    "and please, no porn." words i never thought i'd hear bri say....

    i'll get my submission in...gotta wait for the kiddies to take thier nap. there's only so much i can explain to them....this ain't one of those things.

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  26. LOL-- princess, just lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes ;-)

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  27. First - I don't think we can ever have a restriction on the Lounge for no pornography! It seems to go against all that the Lounge is built upon! Certainly, its all that The Syndicate is built upon - but then again, The Syndicate does not have so robust a reader base...Hmmm. Something to look into.

    Second - for all those who think the weekend is too far away for these submissions are welcome to circulate them to individual email addresses!

    Geez, I never thought there would be so many hoops to go through! I've HEARD that there are websites out there on the interwebs, where one can find just such images, in a timely fashion. Just rumor though....

    As for the Princess, I am sure you can hurry her along with some tequila.

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  28. Um... what hoops? You either took a pic and emailed it, or you didn't. That's it.

    And like I said, there's a big difference between looking at a stranger's half-nekkid ass (pics of which, as you pointed out, are abundantly available), and the undie-clad ass of someone you actually *know* :-P

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  29. Mitch, I'm a Syndicate reader - it does help if you actually post something though...

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  30. 9 submissions so far, including two guys and one inanimate object...

    And, while I'd gladly accept porn, I am simply trying to keep this game friendly to encourage the shyer folks to participate...

    You don't have to be sexy. You just have to be in your drawers...

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  31. Lisa,
    I do appreciate your patronage. You're right - I do need some more content up there.

    But, between another blog (mostly movie and restaurant reviews), and logging in here to mock Mr. G&T...well, there are only so many hours in the day!! Oh...yes... and working too....

    And Brian - Let's not call it "inanimate" ok...?!

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  32. 2 guys... that include you?

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  33. Its ok Mitch, my blog gets the amount of readers in a month that Brian gets in a day. And most of them come from Google searching for big boys..

    Oh and I had one searching for anal foot sex - I have no clue why I came up in that search

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  34. Ok, you said late tonight. 11:15 doesn't count as late?

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Be compelling.

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