Thursday, March 06, 2008

Sexy Man Theory

Physically speaking, what is a sexy woman?

Is she tall? Small? Skinny? Curvy? Light? Dark?

Does she have large breasts? Shapely? Small and perky?

Round ass? Toned ass? Junk-in-the-trunk?

Blond? Red? Brunette?

There seem to be as many answers to the question as there are people in the world. Standards for female attractiveness vary from culture to culture, age to age, and even person to person. Each man, and even every woman, all have their own subjective measure of feminine beauty. My list differs from yours, and yours differs from everyone else that you know.

SEXY MEN, on the other hand, at least men in the modern western media, tend to follow a relatively simple equation. And here it is: Poofy lips + straight nose + tussled hair = sexy.

Movie stars, TV stars and models... People Magazine's sexiest men of the year.... That hot dude at the party who was gettin all the chicks...

They all follow the basic rule.

Remember, poofy lips, straight nose, tussled hair...

(At this point, I had planned to post a slew of hot dude pictures to prove my point. However, after having gone through page after page of pictures depicting sweaty shirtless men in tight pants and speedos, I'm starting to feel a little queasy and light headed... So, if you want to see hot dude pics, go Google 'em yourself.)


  1. Poofy lips, straight nose, tussled hair, and a willingness to show his pecker. You forgot the most important trait and the one both David and Ewan share in spades.

  2. I disagree. I think the definition of "sexy men" is as subjective as the definition of "sexy women".

  3. Anonymous9:14 AM

    I agree with Helly, it's just as subjective for sexy men and sexy women. A lot goes into what's sexy.

  4. sexy is as sexy does...

    I agree with hells and anonymous for what its worth.

    I don't go for perfect. I do like to tussle hair though

  5. Angelina10:50 AM

    Subjective? Subjective is a word that sad girls use to make themselves feel better.

  6. brad pitt10:51 AM

    Obviously, you ladies are all in denial when it comes to men. Of course Mr. G&T is right.

  7. Barack10:53 AM

    I can't tussle my hair.

  8. david beckham10:55 AM

    Are there only lesbians that read this blog?

  9. George Clooney10:56 AM

    Not that I'm gay or anything, but Brad is very sexy. I do so love his tussled hair and straight nose...

  10. George Bush10:59 AM

    I do not have poofy lips.

    My daughters, though, have huge boobs!

    Yee Haw! Don't mess with Texas!

  11. Its Friday and someones bored..

    I do not find either Angelina or Brad sexy, or Barack or both Georges...

    I'd do Beckham though - that's sexy

  12. Posh Spice11:08 AM

    Hands off!

  13. david beckham11:18 AM

    But, Lisa, I'm perfect and you said youself that you don't go for perfect. I guess I won't be calling you when Posh gets so skinny she shrivels up into dust.

  14. you're not perfect babes - you're thick as shit remember?

  15. I do not find either Angelina or Brad sexy, or Barack or both Georges...

    Me neither... although Angelina DOES have the "poofy lips" down-- in spades!!

  16. Angelina11:23 AM

    poofy lips, tussled hair, straight nose: I'd make the perfect man. Maybe that's why so many women are hot for me...

  17. Yeup. More of a man than Brad, anyway ;-)

  18. Posh Spice11:25 AM

    Shrivels to dust? That's it! No posh pussy for you.

  19. Sorry Angelina, I'd still do Dita rather than you

    She's dirty..

  20. the hat11:27 AM

    Nobody thinks I'm sexy...

  21. my Laminate List

    1. Ewan MacGregor
    2. Mark Ruffalo
    3. Paul Rudd
    4. Ioan Gruffydd
    5. Clive Owen

    gay man alternative - John Barrowman

    other alternative - the hat

    So go on, take the piss out of that lot...

  22. david beckham11:37 AM

    Like being thick as shit is a bad thing? Makes women a whole lot less annoying.

  23. Sara Silverman11:37 AM

    Matt Damon has poofy lips, tussled hair and a straight nose. Maybe that's why I'm fucking him.

  24. Hmmm... I can speak from experience; all five of us on the list are homos.

  25. brad pitt11:39 AM

    Since Lisa listed all gay men, why did she need a gay-man alternate?

  26. jimmy kimmel11:41 AM

    Its why I'm fucking Ben Affleck

  27. brad pitt11:44 AM

    You know, Ewan, I've always thought you were hot. We should co-star in a movie in which we get naked and get it on. I might switch teams for that chance.

  28. Angelina11:46 AM

    Like you haven't already switched teams?

  29. Like you haven't already switched teams?

    Maybe because of you

  30. Angelina11:47 AM

    Well, Brad does like to play with my secret weiner...

  31. my 5 are so not gay...

    *goes off to sulk*..

  32. I dare not post my list. If the peanut gallery is calling Lisa's list gay, I shudder to think what they'd make of mine!

  33. brad pitt11:56 AM

    But, Angie, I didn't think you wanted everyone to know about you are pre-operative. . .

  34. Anonymous12:09 PM

    Angelina: Do you even know what subjective means?

  35. Mr G&T - Let me applaud your posting as generating the most female response I've seen on this blog in a LONGGGGG time.

    I mean... aside from the responses that agree with you about Christina Ricci...

  36. Lucky Red1:02 PM

    I can easily end this debate and tell ya all what is "sexy" in a man as soon as I get up to see who's underneath me currently..."smile pretty baby, I'm posing this on a blog..."

  37. Mitch-- you mean, the same two females, supplying multiple comments each ;-P

    After all, we've already determined that Angelina doesn't count ;-)

  38. Anonymous1:33 PM

    Touche Ms. Helly

  39. Jenna Bush1:33 PM

    Jesus Christ! My dad is checking out my boobs... Fuck that. I'm voting for Obama

  40. Angelina1:34 PM

    OK, look, I am the sexiest woman AND the sexiest man alive.

  41. Christina Ricci1:39 PM

    You all are creepy. Except for Angelina. she's hot.

  42. Of course Mr G&T started this blog with the words physically speaking

    and everyone knows, sexy is so much more than physical

    A guy may not have poofy lips, or a straight nose or tussled hair but theres that something that makes you look at him or listen to him and just want to jump him and fuck him all night

    Thats sexy...

  43. Angelina3:20 PM

    No, I'm pretty sure sexy is only skin deep. Just look at me...

  44. Yep, Angelina's right...

  45. Anonymous3:21 PM

    Lisa is exactly right, there's so much more than physical, the right look, the right touch, the right words, and yes let's fuck all night long


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