Sunday, February 04, 2007

Right Honorable

So, to be perfectly honest, until about a week ago, I'd never heard of the Indianapolis Colts. I was shocked therefore, not so much by their entry into the Super Bowl, but rather by the fact that they even existed in the first place.

Granted, I'm not what you would call a "Sports Fan." I mostly hold no interest in watching grown men in tight pants playing with balls. However, I'm not sure how it is that an entire NFL franchise could exist (seemingly for years) without my ever having heard of it.

It's perfectly fine if you want to watch. I just have other things to geek out over...

Unfortunately, as I have blocky shoulders and facial hair, and generally appear to be the proud owner of a wiener, I am frequently met with the question, "So, gonna watch the big game?"

Generally, I can pick up on the collective cultural cues that lead up to the Super Bowl or the World Series, and I can either make a vague verbal ascent, while shifting topics, or I can simply say "No." Which, throws folks right off course. Especially men. Especially men who wear suits to work, who enjoy going to the gym, and who think Heineken is good beer.

Fuckers.

And god save me if it's basketball season. I loath basketball. I hide from it. I purposefully avoid making eye contact with any printed information about it.

Basketball season, it appears, lasts for about 14 months with a 10-month post-season play-off season. It never ends. Ever. It just keeps going and going and going, endlessly, like a basketball game itself. Running back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Etc...

I understand that people pay money to watch this. I am confused by this.

So, did I watch the "Big Game?" Well, yes, for a bit. Then, I got bored and started flipping channels.

Having made my second voyage 'round the horn, as it were, I finally stopped on CSPAN or the BBC, or somesuch. Much to my great delight, they were showing the most resent session of Question for the Prime Minister in the British House of Commons. PM Blair was standing rakish-like against his dais, smirky grin on his face, rolling out one-liners, deflecting tough questions, thinking on his feet.

The dowdy MPs from places like Berkinghamshire and Wolverhamptonsham, stood one by one, recognized by the Right Honorable Speaker. They would fire off well-written finely-pointed questions, such as, "Might we expect to receive a reasonable assurance from Government that the good working people of Burryhumpleburrough will see their pensions in place come the dawning of the next decade?"

And one by one, Smirking Tony would spin out of the way with a quick quip about the MP's poor choice of wool coat, or deflect to the seemingly urgent matter of Scottish independence.

Tony is a master. Tony is an artist.

I never made it back to the game. I guess the Colts won, whoever the hell they are...

17 comments:

  1. Game was ok. In the first half while the Bears were up it was worth watching.

    The commercials this year were generally lame. Best one starred K-Fed-Ex.

    I treat it more as a social event unless the Cowboys are playing.

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  2. I mostly hold no interest in watching grown men in tight pants playing with balls

    Sentence of the year, right there..

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  3. You're a Communist.

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  4. Life is what you make it. You should play more sports.

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  5. K Fed9:10 AM

    I was gettin bored chillin waiting for my ex wife to fork out the 20 large. I have some more coochie shots if anyone is interested. That shit aint tight no more...yo..yo..

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  6. Anonymous9:14 AM

    Notice how he said "mostly"

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  7. Of Anyone, I would think that you would take advantage of a day to drink too much and eat greasy finger foods. I must have forgot that you lost your penis in that accident.

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  8. Of course Blair is good at the thinking on his feet. He had better be since the police keep coming to talk to him. There is talk that he may be forced to step down.

    And, good for you for not watching the game. Its such a load of crap anyway.

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  9. When Blair first got hauled in to the cops, a tabloid made a big hoohah over him not taking a lawyer

    Doh - he is a lawyer...

    And he'll go by next year, let Brown in and then when they lose the next General Election it won't be his fault

    I vote Plaid Cymru, just for the hell of it

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  10. As I'll be leaving the Republican Party, I'm thinking about starting an American branch of Sinn Fein.

    However, I am currious about this Plaid Cymru. Is it a party?

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  11. Its a WELSH party

    dumbass

    http://www.plaidcymru.org/

    My word verification is qpfgahwy - they taking the piss or what? Bet I get it wrong..

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  12. I love football, HATE -- no, I mean H.A.T.E. basketball. I hate the sport itself and I hate the immature, indulgent, spoiled brat mentality of the NBA players.

    That being said -- I love watching a Parliament operate. They're so damned fast and efficient it's almost scary. Watching the Brits yell at each other is a LOT more entertaining than a basketball game. Hell, even football.

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  13. I bet our president watched the superbowl...just sayin

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  14. Maggie was even better than Tony at putting those right honorable gentlemen in British Parliament in their place during question time. She kicked some ass.

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  15. b.s. -- worse yet, Condi rooted for the Colts. Damn her.

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  16. She also killed mining in Wales therefore killing the soul and heart of our country

    Bit like Bush is doing to you lot now...

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  17. familytrain3:56 PM

    no, bush is doing the opposite. soon our country will be a collection of massive strip-mines, punctuated by oil wells and separated by vast swaths of gmo corn. but, by gum, our "heart and soul" will sure as shit be intact! hoooooo-eeee!

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Be compelling.

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