I Don't Know Where Ya Been Lad, But Aye See You Won First Prize

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.
-M.P.

Jesus, so just how many names for it are there?

One-eyed wonder worm
Purple-helmeted warrior of love
Heat Seeking Moisture Missle
The Brains of the Operation (The Brain)
Periscope
Schlong
Third leg
Kickstand
Sausage (Vienna, polish, italian, et al...)
Joy stick
Stick Shift
Alien
Tent pole
Wee Wee
Boner
Gagger
Chubby
Fatty
Beef Bayonette
Pipe Cleaner
Wedding Tackle
Rod
Knob
Tool
Monster
Hammer
Baby maker
The Boss
Grower/Shower
Weasel
Our simian friend
The Squinty Blowpop
Tallywacker
Mizzen Mast
Ding-a-ling
Pud
Boyo
Wiener
Skin Flute
Woody
Member
Manhood

In the Mandarin: 小弟弟 xiǎodìdì ("little brother")
In the Dutch: kapitein penis peniszoon (captain penis mcpenis)
In Denmark: anakonda (anaconda)
If you are Iranian: کیر (kir)
In Scottland: Nessie
And the Yiddish: Putz

Thanks to Fred for the input.

Also, go HERE for a list that is actually funny...