Monday, February 12, 2007

I am the Father of Anna Nicole's Baby

Sure, I have competition, But really, whoever gets the kid, gets J. Howard Marshall's billions.

See, the money went to Anna. Then, by a stroke of "luck,"her eldest heir died on the day that her youngest heir was born, with her lawyer/lover/adviser in the room no less!

Damn, what a coincidence!

Fortunately, this whole mess transpired under the reputable corruption-free jurisdiction of the Bahamas. Only now, the immigration minister of the Bahamas has been caught canoodling in bed with Anna as well, just days before she died. Oops!

Then came the claim by the ex boyfriend, and possible sperm donor, Larry Birkhead. Broke, and smelling money in the water, he stepped up to assert his paternal rights. And he may just be the baby's daddy, which also makes him the likely guardian and conservator for little Dannielynn. (yes, that's actually her name...)

It's all for love of course, but then Anna coincidentally died in the same island nation and under similar circumstances as her son. (can you say systematic assassination?)

This, of course, leaves the baby in a position to inherit hundreds of millions of dollars. Suddenly, her estranged grandmother seems to be visiting more often. Oh, and Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband Frédéric Prinz von Anhalt has stepped up to claim the prize.

Strangely, nothing has been heard from Zsa Zsa. Of course, she may have died years ago. No one knows. Although, no one really believes that Anna and Anhalt were ever within 500 miles of each other either.

So, I figure, I might as well throw my hat in the ring. I mean, I never actually met Anna, but in real-life made-for-TV mini-series, details like that don't seem to be important.

14 comments:

  1. She was a stripper. I am sure you groped her tits at some point.

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  2. Anonymous9:51 AM

    Really, is there anyone out there that Mr. G & T HASN'T done? No offense to Mrs. G & T, of course....

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  3. Is this the smut you promised us? Because I'm not impressed. Just because you were in Idaho all weekend and out of the loop on major events (and lord knows this is a MAJOR event since conspiracy theorists are getting geared up) doesn't mean the rest of us haven't see all of this already.

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  4. Oh shit... the details are more sordid than I thought. Dannielynn? WTF kind of name is that?

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  5. "smut," of course, is relative

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  6. When I read this (ages ago), my first thought was...wow fucking for ten years...he had sex with fat Anna Nicole. And then I seriously doubted it. And whatever happened to her assistant Kimmy, the dreadfully unattractive woman who was fucking obsessed with Anna Nicole and in love with her. Maybe she's the father.

    I'm insensitive and cruel, duly noted.

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  7. can I be the father of Amanda's baby?

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  8. Now come on B.S, it has to be slightly believable...

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  9. I think you already are

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  10. There will be NO babies in my goodies. Only baby makers. And there will be no babies made.

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  11. If you don't want babies, then why opt for baby makers in your goodies. Look for some hot impotent guys.

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  12. Hmmm. Except...there's one flaw with that scenario. The impotency part. Hot sterile guys. Now THAT is the ticket. I wonder if there is a Craigslist for that.

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  13. Amanda, perhaps "have you ever had mumps?" could be included in your slutty repertoire. Or "didn't I meet you when I temped at the Vasectomy clinic?"

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  14. Sweet. Thanks Lisa. It is just the type of random question that I'd likely ask too!

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Be compelling.

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