Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Thank You Pennsylvania


I, Vice President Dick Cheney, White House puppet master, Grand Dragon of the GOP, Dark Lord of the underworld, would like to whole heartedly thank the kind people of Pennsylvania.

Thank you for making me rich and for making my life easy.

See, by choosing to vote for the doomed Mrs. Clinton, you have chosen to extend the gut-wrenching, flesh tearing, demoralizing schism in the Democratic Party. You have thrown your weight toward a dead woman walking. Thus, draining the Obama coffers, and weakening his eventual run at my personal cock sucking sauna boy, John McCain.

I appreciate that you chose to avoid the difficult task of thinking, and rather chose to vote your heart... Thank you for your lack of strategy. Thank you for your lack of logic. Thank the sweet Lord Jesus for your total inability to process a single abstract thought.

Now, the nation will be subjected to many more months of wearisome political ranting and wrestling. The Clintons will continue to do MY bidding, tearing and clawing at your only hope of victory, battering and bruising him, resorting to dirty tricks and outright lies, undermining what electable character he has left. Essentially, doing MY job for me.

All the while, the oil companies, Arabs and military contractors will pump massive amounts of cash into my and John's pockets. Goddamn, who would have thought that Hillary Clinton would be the means of extending my influence for another 8 years?? Thankfully, she has no party loyalty whatsoever.

Oh, and if John could get his mouth off of my cock long enough, I'm sure he would thank you for your support.

I LOVE you Hilary! [wink wink, kiss kiss]

C'mon Indiana and North Carolina. You can do it! Extend the blood letting! Clinton 08! Clinton 08! Clinton 08!

Alright, I'll get off my soap box now. It's time for my nightly ritual of counting my cash while I drink the blood of new born babies...

25 comments:

  1. Mrs. G&T9:16 PM

    1. Political parties exist to win elections.

    2. The Democratic Party has spent the last several months working hard to lose the 2008 election, an election that was, but for these Herculean efforts, unloseable for the Democrats.

    3. Somehow I think Mark Burnett is to blame for all this, as a minion of Dick Cheney, of course.

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  2. I dunno, there's something a little scarier at work here which I don't think you've noticed - In Pennsylvania's REPUBLICAN race, over 27% voted for someone OTHER than McCain. You heard me, despite being the only active candidate, he only took 73% of the Republicans in Pennsylvania.

    Um...

    Uh...

    Yeah.

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  3. ...And Mrs. G&T, you leave that nice Mark Burnett boy alone.

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  4. you should come up here with the dentist and make her...

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  5. The panty12:33 AM

    I feel dirty . . .

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  6. ha ha! ha ha! ha...ahh, crap.

    I give up.

    You know what this country needs? A monarchy. Most people would be resistant at first, but they'd come to love it.

    We'd have a Royal Family for white trash moms to jizz their panties over (our very own Princess Di!), and an aristocracy for everyone to be jealous/resentful of.

    We could even set up a neo-feudal system and recapture our position as a manufacturing giant, while solidifying our dreams of agricultural monopoly with, essentially, slaves.

    No more troublesome voting, idiotic political party wrangling, ridiculous illusions of a government of the people, etc.

    Given his Austrian lineage, how about Arnold? He'd look great in a crown.

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  7. tempocrat6:52 AM

    Still time to switch parties in Oregon. Wonder if I can hand the elections people my signed primary ballot AND voter's registrataion card to leave the D party on the same day.

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  8. Anonymous7:22 AM

    Go McCain!

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  9. Anonymous7:28 AM

    Ha, ha, Hillary won!

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  10. Anonymous7:51 AM

    So, will you vote McCain now Mr. GT?

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  11. Dave,

    You got it right. I was channel surfing Am radio about a month ago and happened upon Rush Limbaugh. He was giggling and snoting in his usual satanic way and so I had to listen to his latest vicoden induced diatribe.

    "I am going to call it operation chaos"

    And so he was pleading with his loyal listeners in all upcoming primary states to change to Democrat and vote for Hilary. You see the Republicans are scared to death of your guy Obama and know that he will kick the shit out of McCain.

    You may have something there Chris, a monarchy would be kinda fun. But, why dont we make Paris Hilton the princess? Arnold's accent is like nails on a chalk board.

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  12. I want you to know I love picture.
    Your post is cool.
    I hope Obama wins!
    Go Obama.
    I hope you had a great earth day! :-)

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  13. Anonymous9:57 AM

    I love lamp

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  14. Tyler Durden10:02 AM

    Rush Limbaugh is a pussy and we should kick his ass for copying us.

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  15. I think I should be king.

    Then Gin would flow like water!

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  16. Anonymous2:00 PM

    Think of the holidays!!!

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  17. Obama2:31 PM

    It is time to reject the policies of old and move our coutry in a new direction. I will do whatever is possible to ensure that our party comes together and unites for the common good. We are beyond the politics of hatred and I am very disappointed by Mr. Limbaugh's efforts. I am willing to sit down with him and openly discuss our differences.

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  18. I know what I'm about to say is uncool, but I'm really looking forward to the primaries and the election to be over and done with. Anyone who finds themselves in this strata of government policy is most likely a demon. And is it just me or is Barack Obama sorely limited in his political experience? Yet, based on how much money his campaign has earned, he's probably had to make deals with unsavory characters and promise things that are only possible via the hard work of those who voted for and against him, like anyone of the candidates who attempt to be the President of the United States. Is it too much to just say, hey, they're all assholes and we're all just picking the least putrid demon?

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  19. dancing queen3:57 PM

    What you said is just fine, it is you who is uncool. (unless you go to Portland June 6-9)

    Your attitude about money raising efforts is really what's disappointing Amanda. Geez, you can be so cynical.

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  20. It's true. I haven't even been screwed over by banks, big business, and the government upon trying to buy a car or a house yet, either. I'm prematurely cynical. Yet I don't have the hipster wardrobe, or the artfully arranged hair to go with this attitude. Where have I gone wrong?

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  21. Luckily you have a Myspace account, else we'd call you perverse.

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  22. shit, I have no net for 3 weeks and I come back to Politics?

    I heard there were mud wrestling fights going on..

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  23. True. Although I haven't updated my myspace profile since October of 2007. I'm just too lazy to delete it entirely. (And here I am guilty of ruining the intensity and the political flavor of the comments by making this about me. Sorry. [pronounced Sew-ree, the proudly Canadian way.])

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  24. Myspace is good for you, hon. Builds character and a shiny coat.

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  25. Dave's pimp12:12 AM

    Hey Dave, get your ass back out there on the street and get me my money, Bitch!

    ReplyDelete

Be compelling.

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