Sunday, April 13, 2008

Bologna

When I was a kid, my grandfather liked to tell me that I was "Full of Baloney." Which, literally taken, was never true. I did not like bologna. I did not eat it. Which meant, therefore, that I was never full of it.

Bologna, as we know it in America, is a tasteless greasy slab of meat-like byproducts used as a sandwich cold cut. It has the grayish appearance and consistency of a wide-diameter hot dog slice, and it leaves a thick greasy coating tot he roof of your mouth when you eat it.

It makes me sad, in a way, to consider that for many Americans, the word "sandwich" is synonymous with bologna and pre-sliced American cheese on bleached-white Wonder Bread.

And what the hell is in it anyway? And do I even want to know? And why is it pronounced "Baloney" when it is spelled "Bologna?" And would it be any better if it were cooked?

Good lord...

Proudly, I can say that while this blog may be occasionally full-of-baloney, I never will.

7 comments:

  1. In Bologna, Italy, it is called Mortadella. It is about as far from "American Bologna" as Hamm's beer is from Broken Halo IPA.

    The Bologna method has to do with the finely ground meat paste used to make the sausage. There are lots of sausages of this type. Oscar Meyer is simply one of the worst. (But far from being wurst mind you, though wurst is made in a very similar way.) And yes, it is very good pan fried.

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  2. Auntie BSU7:10 AM

    I always felt deprived because we never got bologna. I remember bringing home an article from school about bologna and reading it to my parents, pronouncing bologna just as it would be said if you sounded it out. Thank goodness they never took this request too seriously.

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  3. Oosje8:15 AM

    It is true. Auntie bsu and Mrs. G&T were deprived children, never having one slice of Bologna. If it had come from Italy I would have considered it, but alas, it came from the Golden Rule Store in the snowy state and it was gross.

    If you're "full of Bologna" doesn't that mean the same thing as you're full of "*--*"? It really is the same thing.

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  4. I don't think we want to know what's in bologna, much like hot dogs, it just can't be good.

    And Oosje, I think you can say 'shit' on the lounge, you won't offend anyone...

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  5. I was raised with menudo and pigs feet. Fried bologna with papas (potatoes) and a tortilla was dinner for a week.

    Man it sucked being me.

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  6. Oosje8:13 AM

    Marge,
    I realized I could say that after I did it...from now on, I'm going to be fully expressed!

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Be compelling.

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