Sunday, July 27, 2008

Rules

I sat watching Chicago the other night. You know, the movie musical with Catherine Zeta Jones, Richard Gere and Renee Zelweger. It's essentially a movie about women in prison.

Which, of course, set my, mind racing.

No, not about that, you dirty dirty reader. I know where your mind went.

No, it caused me to stop and think for a moment about rules. Yes, rules. important rules that I've learned. important rules to live by. And as I watched Chicago, I was reminded of one of the best rules I know. It came from regular-reader Mitch, and it goes lie this:

"No movies about women, unless the women are in prison. And, no movies about animals, unless the animals are in prison with the women."

Words to live by. But then, I realised, there are other rules that I've learned from others close to me. For instance:

Dr. B's rule is: "Once saved, always saved." A message of hope for the damned like me. However, it's just fucking wrong to take theological advice from Dr. B.

Just sayin...

Then there is Tom's great rule: " Just do a little bit extra." Oh, but wait, no, that was Tom's dad's rule. No Tom's was: "Don't bend the spine."

I'm pretty sure he was talking about his comic book collection. Although, he may have been talking about his enormous-but-fragile penis. Right Mrs. Tom?

Of course, my own wife, Mrs G&T, used to have the rule that she would only eat animals who couldn't look her in the eye. And no, that is not an invitation for comments about my own penis...

Fred has declared openly: "I have a god-given right to argue with the television. Doubly so with commercials."

Oosje, I have discovered, has many rules. Unfortunately, none of them are useful.

And Inog? Oh yes, his rule was very clearly stated long ago: "No Chinese." That, however, is an inconvenient rule for him to maintain these days in light of certain things...

For the rest of you, though, I can only speculate what your useful rule might be:

Lisa: "Welsh, not English."

Helly: "Yuck, boys leave your shirts on. "

Marge: "Don't interrupt the NASCAR, Missy, less your brother ain' breathing, or the trailer's on fire..."

Familytrain: "Yogurt fucking is next to godliness. Jesus Saves - 10% on offshore Viagra."

Dave: "If I scowl long enough, someday I'll be a star."

And the rest of you: "The Lounge is the greatest blog ever. I may start praying to Mr. G&T. I'll certainly send him all of my naughty pictures..."

10 comments:

  1. Ahh “No Chinese.” I vaguely recall that metaphorical rule. It seemed to be less a rule than a general statement or observation of the present condition rewritten as a rule. “No Chinese” can be easily replaced with “No Welsh” “No Hungarians” or “No Dutch.” Defining who and where you are by the obvious rejection of who and where you are not.

    But seeing as how my partner is Chinese, my newest associate is Chinese, many of my friends are Chinese, how I spend a lot of time in Asia and China, and that most of my clients and money comes from the Chinese, (note.. all you fuckers that are bleeding U.S. dollars into China, I am working my ass off to get them back, but don’t expect me to share. You bent over and gave ‘em up. Now they are mine.) I think it is best to appreciate that the #1 rule for me is: Fuck the rules, I am going to do whatever the hell I want.

    And so I have.

    And so far, that rule seems to work pretty well for me.

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  2. Ev's rule - No tongue. Only took me 18 years to break that one.

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  3. Not all boys. Just the Lounge boys.

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  4. Oosje9:36 AM

    Very funny Mr.G&T! I'm going to think about my rules. I didn't know I had that many. None of them are useful??? Really???

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  5. There's a lot of wisdom there...

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  6. Sorry Oosje. well, actually, you have some good rules regarding painting... "wash your brushes when you're done." I like that.

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  7. Are you sure that's not th ex-hubby's rule? I could honestly give a shit about NASCAR.

    The only rules I really have relate to the kiddos.

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  8. Mines not really a rule. More a mantra to Americans that fail to acknowledge it's a different country.

    The only rule I have is the rule of 3

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  9. Murphy3:20 PM

    Mine is more of a law tha a rule.

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  10. I think Marge stole my rule. The salvation thing doesn't apply anymore.

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Be compelling.

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