Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Piggly Wiggly

You can tell what region an American is from, not so much by their accent, but rather by the grocery store they frequent.

Vons or Ralphs? California.
Kroeger? Midwest.
Fred Meyer? Northwest.
Piggly Wiggly? South.

Truth be told though, the Piggly Wiggly chain used to be more dominant, and certainly more ubiquitous. Proof of that fact can be found in the nostalgic photos that line the Hooka aisle at the local world food store, around the corner from my office.

Photographic history tells a tale that takes us back to the 50s, through the personal history of Barber World Foods. The market has been through various incarnations including Barber Foods, Barber Market, and even once, long ago, Piggly Wiggly.

Much has changed over the decades, and the current high-end ethnic trend brings unusual color and flavors to a rather dull intersection. Lunch becomes a safari. A walk down the aisle is a caravan to Morocco. Even the gummi bears are imported from Hungary.

So, there I was this afternoon, picking up a quick powerbar lunch after my extended Russian depositions this morning. Coming the aisles for a beverage treat, I came upon an oasis of juicy delights. scanning the exotic labels, I spied varying treats from diverse continents, until I came across the abomination.

Three great tastes that don't taste great together. Hate in bottle. A little bit of vomit in the mouth.

I discovered a product that nearly justified in my mind Cheney's campaign of middle eastern ethnic cleansing. The product is making me nauseous just thinking about it. Seriously, I'm getting that queasy, going to throw up feeling.

I can barely type this.

It was called "Mint-flavored Yogurt Soda." Oh god, I'm getting sick.

Fine, don't believe me? Here's a picture:

13 comments:

  1. So, what they are offering here is carbonated, pureed tzatziki . . . ?

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  2. I don't think I would drink that. And I have been known to drink the blood from a live cobra.

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  3. My Grandpa's house use to be left of the Piggly Wiggly in New Mexico - hey - that's not the south! I don't think it's there any more - might have been replaced by SoLow.

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  4. The Piggly Wiggly's in NC and SC are the best and they are owned and run by a different headquarters than the Pigs elsewhere. (Don't ask how I know this.)

    What you got there is the devil's beverage of choice.

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  5. Surely carbonated soda IS vomit?

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  6. In the east it's Wegmans, a behemoth that makes Fred Meyer look like a mini-mart. The day before a big winter storm, the masses descend and buy EVERYTHING. The place looks looted and creepy.

    The yogurt soda might survive the rampage, though. You can only be so desperate.

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  7. There was a Piggly Wiggly next to University of Puget Sound in Tacoma. Even when it changed owners we still called it the Piggly Wiggly.

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  8. I have to say, you guys have the weirdest names for Grocery stores

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  9. Wegman's are in the northeast, not all over the east coast though. I grew up with Giant and Safeway in Virginia.

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  10. Brian..please tell us the story of the soggy bread...or maybe the chewed up peanut....how are you feeling?

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  11. thanks dude, just the name of the stuff gave me that sour sick taste in the back of my cheeks... gotta go brush and floss.

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  12. brushing and flossing is good for everyone!!! Actually no, dont do it. We make more money that way.

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  13. You forgot Albertson's and Safeway! Although I think it's Albertson's who now own's Von's. Kroger owns Fred Meyer. Ah hell, they're all in bed together.

    I just want a Whole Foods in Olympia. Is that too damn much to ask???

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Be compelling.

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