Thursday, November 02, 2006

Odds And Ends

Item 1:

Juries in this county are, for the most part, intelligent. They are, in fact, probably more intelligent and better educated than juries in most of the other counties of this state. Unfortunately, they are also satanically sadistic motherfuckers.

The trial is over. It's not so much that I lost, as it is, the jury was simply pissed off and found a way to punish every single party and attorney involved. They spread the pain like pavement, and there was nothing like having my boss's most-lucrative client sitting in the gallery behind me when the verdict was read.

Item 2:

Get back on the horse...

One of the very best ways to overcome a disappointing trial verdict, is to run right back down to court the day after trial and argue a motion that is sure to win. However, running right back down to court the day after trial, arguing said motion, and in fact losing the sure-thing motion, does NOTHING for one's self-esteem.

Item 3:

Of course the only surefire cure for the litigation blues is a healthy dose of Monkey Therapy.

If you don't happen to have one of your own, you're welcome to borrow mine. (Assuming I know you of course, and further assuming you're not totally creepy...)

Which leads to my fourth and final item...

Item 4:

You can never have too many monkeys.

Well, OK, maybe you can. However, as the old saying goes, two monkeys are better than one...

Yes, the gin-&-tonic monkey (pictured above) is going to be a big sister. Mighty seed has once more issued from my loins. Mrs. G&T is thoroughly knocked-up, and I have it on good authority that I am very likely the father.

We are not so far along that I can tell you what it's going to be. However, we are far enough along that I can tell you it has a head, a heart beat, two arm buds and two leg buds. And that is good enough for now.

I will say this, and I apologize to you folks who have heard it already. Just after making the first announcement a few years ago, when we were expecting the Monkey, I was told by another lawyer friend of mine that I was going to have a girl. "Why do you say that?" I asked.

"Because you look like the father of girls," he said.

Funny, but later, it got creepy when he told his partner that I was going to be a father. "It'll be a girl," said the partner,

"Right! Right! But WHY do you say that?" asked my friend.

"Because he looks like the father of girls," said the partner, and the father of a girl I am. Does this mean that I am destined to be the father of two girls? Perhaps, though I don't stake much faith in such superstitious hobgoblinry. Boy. Girl. Whichever. I'm just holding out for healthy, happy, and smarter than dear old dad.


  1. inog's wife6:36 AM

    Big news! Congratulations to the family! Happy, healthy family > everything else. Even all that lawyer crap.

  2. Congratulations! And I swear we had two girls, simply because the husband is a good girl daddy. I know it's crazy, but I believe it to be true (does that make ME crazy, possibly...ooh I stole that Gnarls Barkley song without even realizing it).

    Sorry about your case...but having another baby more than makes up for a bad court day.

  3. Well we always knew that you weren't much of a lawyer but at least your boys can swim. CONGRATS!! I thought that alcohol lowered the sperm count. Hey, maybe it isnt yours. Once again I find out important news from the blog. It makes me realize that I rank right up there with...well, Tom. I'll go eat some worms now.

  4. Item #1 - I'm very sorry to hear it.

    Item #2 - I'm even sorrier to hear it! Sorrier because I was hoping to hire you for your lawyering one day, but looking at this track record, I think I'm going to have to find someone who can actually win cases. ;)

    Item #3 - Very true!

    Item #4 - CONGRATS!!! So I take it this will be a June or July baby? Very nice!! All Hail the Mighty Seed!!

  5. oh great. i suppose you're going to want all your baby gear back that's currently scattered all over my house? just kidding. congrats to you and mrs. lily and gabe will be thrilled to have someone smaller to pound on.

    my verification was ddboyod. yikes! daddy;boy;oh dear!

  6. Congrats, bud! Normally I'd make some snide comment, but no... you get a pass today. Best wishes for both you and Mrs. G&T.

  7. ...No, no pass.

    So what this ultimately means is that both Dr. Brian now have a shot in calling you our father-in-law.

    Recoil in horror, my friend.

  8. More offspring!? The restraining order expired so soon?

    All the best to you and Mrs G&T !!!

  9. Mrs. Tom12:06 PM

    Congrats!! Another Monkey on the way ... that's great news!! Please give the Mrs. a big hug for me.

  10. So, why did you let the creepy guy on the hay stacks hold the cute kid?

  11. boomBLAMO! to you and the Mrs.

  12. Aw, gee, thanks guys...

    We are due at the end of may.

  13. Just think - four more girls and that should be enough to open up a family strip club - hmmm - i wonder what the name of your strip club would be?

    Striping Monkies?
    Daughters on Parade?
    The Family Bone?

    Oh I'm sure you already have something picked out.

    Well congrats - nice to know if you can't nail them in court - you can still nail the Mrs.

    You know I kid - i'm a kidder!


    You can never have too many Monkeys . . . at least until your wives uterus gives out.

  15. Ryan sais "wives" as if you have more than one... But then he only used the singular form of "uterus", leading me to believe that you have several wives who share a uterus.

    What planet are you from?

  16. My wives are Cylons...

  17. Congrats! Do your wives give birth the way humans do, or does it involve eggs and green slime? I'm assuming live birth with the shared uterus...

  18. Congratulations on getting laid a second time.

    As for smarter and healthier than you, a blind puppy with three legs would qualify.

  19. I think there are high birth rates of girls in the U.S and other countried because China is killing most baby girl fetuses. All things as it should be.


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