Tuesday, November 07, 2006

In the News Today

Here is a tasty, though abridged, morsel from Today's Oregonian, a fine-fine printed news source:

Former jailer accused of preying on inmate

Lawsuit: An ex-prisoner in Lake County alleges former guard, Jason J. Haskins, pressured her into oral sex for a can of chew

Tuesday, November 07, 2006
BRYAN DENSON The Oregonian

A former jail inmate has filed a federal lawsuit that accuses a one-time corrections officer in Lake County of coercing her into oral sex for a can of chewing tobacco.

Haskins was charged with two crimes -- supplying contraband and official misconduct. His trial is set for later this year, said Lake County District Attorney David Schutt.

"(The alleged victim) was able to describe a particular room in the jail that prisoners don't have access to," said Schutt, adding, "She was in possession of a can of Copenhagen."

Attorney, Ron Howen said his client broke no laws and denies soliciting oral sex or giving the woman any chew.

The suit accuses Haskins of selecting her for abuse because she was vulnerable and her capacity to consent to sexual intimacy was limited. Also, the suit alleges, Haskins flirted with the inmate "in order to groom her for later sexual predation," and lured her with chewing tobacco and other favors.

Lake County and its sheriff answered the complaint Oct. 27, saying that if the woman really did perform a sex act on the deputy to obtain benefits, she did it willingly and that -- if the acts really occurred -- they were intended to help her bring a lawsuit against the defendants.

Brian's comments:

Just for clarification, Lake County is about as far as you can travel from civilization and still be in the State of Oregon. It's a place the Amish find a little backward, but quaint. Close relatives are expected to "keep it in the family." Jesus usually gets 20% of the write-in vote, just behind Dale Earnhardt Jr.

What I take from this article is two-fold:

First, tobacco-chewing semi-retarded jail babes are cheap AND easy.

Second, and more importantly, even tobacco-chewing semi-retarded jail babes need a little foreplay (or just some quality chew.)


  1. This fine article reminds me of the headline (and accompanying photograph), which I saw in the local Salem paper (The Statesman Journal), literally, on the day I signed the papers on the lease to live in Salem for school -
    "Monster Truck Flips, Kills One."

    Not war, oil prices, stock market information, real estate, water quality, etc.

    Monster Trucks.

  2. Brian and I did criminal work for a while.

    Now I know why he always carried a can of chew when he would visit clients in jail.

  3. You would think Corrections officers would figure it out: Semi-retarded Jail Babes ALWAYS sue. Completely-Retarded Corrections Officer should have known the price of admission may have been the chewing tobacco, but the true cost would be a lifetime of pain and humiliation.

    And what does he tell his wife?

    Wife: Why do you buy so many cans of chewing tobacco?
    Corrections Officer: Oh, I give them to the Semi-retarded Jail babes in exchange for blow jobs.
    Wife: Oh, OK, let me cut that penis off for you. you will not be needing that.

  4. lurlene11:14 AM

    That's all you have to do to git yerself a free can of Skoal? And Ive been lettin Cletus do me up the pooter all this time get my chew.

  5. Man, all the comments are great! Of course, we shouldn't be laughing about the sad state in our prisons. No free chew available without blowjobs? THAT's what's wrong with this country today! What do we want? CHEW IN PRISON! When do we want it? NOW!

  6. Thank god the democrats are taking over. Free chew for everyone!

  7. I hope she wasn't chewing as she was blowing him

  8. Might make it taste better.

  9. The chew or the cock?

  10. Makes me want to leave the gays and smog and mexicans to find quality a Oregonian like that.


Be compelling.

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