The new readers can be fun though, watching the rapid demoralization of their souls as they dig deeper and deeper into the dreary depths of the Lounge. Ah, nothing like the loss of innocence to start the day off right!
So, one such blog-spelunker observed recently that I seem to hold a limited fixation on Christina, while other, healthier, individuals can have entire LISTS of predatory sexual obsessions.
"Hold your horses!" was my retort. "You obviously have not dug deeply enough to have seen the List. The Laminated List!"
Which raised the realization, "Holy Guano, Batman! I need to update the list!"
So, without further ado, here is the all-new fully-updated brunette-heavy Gin-&-Tonic Laminated list:
1
Nicole Kidman
2
Christina Ricci
3
Alyson Hannigan
4Dita Von Teese
5
Eva Green
Of course, to validate the list, I must name my obligatory alternates...
Blonde Alternate: Tricia Helfer
Over Age Alternate: Isabella Rossellini
Under Age Alternate: Emma Watson
Same Sex Alternate: Ewan McGregor
This looks an awful lot like the previous list. Are you tastes leveling out in your old age?
ReplyDeleteNicole Kidman has had too much plastic surgery. She looks like Michael Jackson with boobs (fake ones). I no longer trust your opinion.
ReplyDeleteCarl: Touch my muscles, Fucker!
ReplyDeleteFred: Perhaps. Though the list does not swing wildly. It only makes minor shifts from time to time.
Ryan: You're crazier than Tom Cruise...
If you ever do get the chance with Ewan you better give me a call - or Dita for that matter..
ReplyDeleteThis list comes from a man who dated a girl in high school that we used to affectionately call the "EWOK" I'll let him explain that one.
ReplyDeleteI was robbed!!
ReplyDeleteChristina went down on the list when she saw the Photo of the Boob Tattoo.
ReplyDeleteAlyson Hannigan is ultraskank of bad breath with camel toe. Nicole Kidman looks like Brian Smith with an uplift bra. My favorite is a latex glove with crisco inside. recognize!
ReplyDeleteWelcome Familytrain! I suspect you'll fit right in. As for looking like Dr. Brian, why else do you think Nicole is #1...
ReplyDeleteWho would your disabled alternate be?
ReplyDeleteYou.
ReplyDeleteWell, you or Stephen Hawking.
I assume you'd be on top.
ReplyDeleteWow. I thought maybe you'd go with Marlee Matlin. I guess Hawking has something I don't see.
ReplyDeleteActually, woudl Daisy count as "disabled?"
ReplyDeleteI was going to comment on why Daisy wasn't your disabled alternative
ReplyDeleteIm sure shes very able with the one hand..
I'm wondering if there will be either a food or animal alternative?
ReplyDeleteMine would be: oatmeal and koala bear
Cold Folded Pizza and a Manatee
ReplyDeleteNot only would she be very able with her one hand, but just imagine what Daisy could do with her beak. You know there is going to be some ass-play with that. And would missing a tooth be a benefit when performing fellatio?
ReplyDeleteAnd, would President Bush count as disabled, because he really needs a deep fisting.
a bicycle and a bag of hammers
ReplyDeleteWhat an elegant list! Dita looks delish.
ReplyDeleteWhat about "animated character" alternate?
I'm gonna have to go traditional and say Jessica Rabbit.
Animated alternate: Wendy from the original Super Friends (circa 1974)
ReplyDeleteanimated alternative - superman
ReplyDeletemovie superhero alternative - spiderman - toby maguire - yummy
Bond alternative - Daniel Craig
Alternative music alternative:
ReplyDeleteAmy Lee or Gwen Stefani
alternative alternative: an end table
ReplyDeletealternative alternative table - a desk..
ReplyDeleteLeave me out of this
ReplyDeleteThis simply is not fair.
ReplyDeleteI'll never find love....
ReplyDelete