Monday, January 09, 2006

Republicans for Voldemort

I am a Republican. WAIT! Don't go away just yet.

Back when I was a teenager, I was an ass hole. I was also a conservative idealist and a fundamentalist (born again) Christian.

Stop laughing.

I was a juvenile white male, and the God-County-Caucasion calling of the Republican party lured me, like a moth to the flame. I would smirk conspiratorially and nod approvingly each time Rush Limbaugh highlighted the ludicrous hypocrisy of the Political Correctness Movement. It felt like I was on a team, or in a gang. We were rebels, and we were going to kick those anti-American liberals' collective asses!! WOOO HOOOO!! LET'S SMASH THEIR MAILBOXES!!!

Problem is, I grew up, and the various factions of the GOP did not. Most anyone to the right of John Mc Cain seems to be intrinsically unable to avoid acting like a total fucking idiot. It's all about fighting, winning and getting the upper hand. There is no understanding or regard for the rule of law. There is no statesmanship. It's all about (still about) punishing the left for defeating Bush Senior in 1992. It's like a game of kick ball, and all of the illiterate bullies have piled up on the right.

On the left, however, it's no better. The left is like a gaggle of 13-year-old girls, with the name calling, and backstabbing, and tattle-telling. Democrats like to get into everyone's business and tell them what they are doing wrong. They want daddy's credit card (Mine) so they can go shopping for things they don't need. If they don't get their way, they pout. (Don't believe me? Go watch the Alitto hearings.)

Oh god, and the media, NPR, Air America, Fox News, MSNBC, EIB... They are like the same group of 13-year-old boys and girls identified above, only dumbed-down, and hopped up on raw sugar. Where's the discourse? It's all fingerpointing, screaming and crying. Fuckers.

I just want a little maturity. I just want a calm, patient, intelligent grown-up to run the country. You know who I want to be president? George Washington. That's who. Wise, quiet, deliberate. A leader. He recognized the limitations of the office, and warned us about the dangers of party politics. Can't we just dig up some of his hair and clone him?

So, why am I still a republican? I don't know. I'm definitely more of an amoral secularist libertarian, but I don't want to miss out on the primary election process. Of course, I took the oportunity to write-in Lord Voldemort against W in the 2004 Republican Primary... (Poor Tom Riddle didn't win.)

I'm just annoyed by everyone involved. I'm tired of the childishness and greed. I'm sick of the mean-spiritedness and lack of dignity. I wish someone could just blow the whistle and tell the children that recess is over...


  1. Gee - I can't believe I dated a republican ass hole for a whole two weeks. Crap I was young - what did I know - I thought my big hair and your pink clothes were cool!

  2. My pink clothes were cool. They were a laundry accident, but cool nonetheless...

  3. brian smith10:17 PM

    I think the perm and scooter is what made you cool. Brian, I find your current political views way too non-offensive. Maybe its the Oregon air and too much Dave Matthews. Stop thinking so much and consume more product.
    We all wore pink, we were gay.

  4. Who wouldn't vote for ole' George:

    1. Killer Dental Plan
    2. Legalization of Marijuana
    3. Free Hookers.

    Man, we'd be right back on track again.

  5. Dude - I'm with you on all of this!


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