Friday, September 02, 2005

Stephen Sommers must have suffered as a child. He certainly holds some sort of sadistic grudge against his dad. As the closing credits cascade, we read that Mr. Sommers has dedicated his Opus to the memory of his father. Ears still ringing, and mind still mulling over who would fund such a craptastic catastrophe, we come across the dedication and feel genuine pity for the deceased.

Van Helsing (2004), the greatest cinematic rip-off since Star Wars, manages to rip off even Star Wars itself. Beyond the obvious pilfered premise; Vampire slayer fights Drac, Frank, and Wolfie; the production team seemed unable to develop a single original idea. To say that I was disappointed by this film would be to say that New Orleans is wet.

Eventually, I stopped tracking the plot-like story, and just started calling out the titles of the plagiarized originals as they occurred, which would then startle and awaken the snoozing missus. By the time they got around to lifting lines from Tuco in the Good the Bad, and the Ugly, I was actually shouting angrily at the TV. This of course did nothing for my wife's attempts to nap, and troubled the dog greatly...

On the upside, I received this bag-O-crap from Netflix. So, I don't have to pay one pinched pfarthing for it. PLUS, I get to give it a negative rating!

Hugh Jackman as a wolf-like human: now there's some inspired casting...

5 comments:

  1. I can't even begin to pretend that I am even slightly knowledgeable about the movie world. I actually enjoyed the movie if my memory serves me correct of over a year ago. But the one thing that I can comment on is the term "pfarthing". Again, no expert on the English language either, but I didn't know what the hell you were saying here. Here is my vocabulary lesson for the day. I look it up and it's not even there. I looked up the obvious, "pfarthing": not there. Next, I look up "parthing": Nope. Next, "farthing": great, a definition:
    1. A coin formerly used in Great Britain worth one fourth of a penny.
    2. Something of very little value.
    You have to be very clear with a person like me or it will drive me crazy, as I can't spend all day looking up words I don't know. Spell check? I can't afford the wasted time to look stuff up. This other stuff like reading your blog and me responding is a necessary evil.

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  2. Thanks Nanee. The silent "p" comes from the Old English derivation...

    Actually, I may have just made that up. Who knows, really?

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  3. Hmmm...Not your best offering, Brian. Mind your craft or the comments will begin to sound like this:

    "Oooh, remember the vanilla blog?"

          "Inspired!"

    "Or the one about sex with a llama?"

          "Genius!"

    "What was that bit about Van Helsing? And all the stuff about Cylons?"

          "I don't know. I heard that he had sex with a llama about that time. A shame, really a shame."

    "Oooh. That explains it. Oh well, lets go read something else."

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  4. My last comment was out of line. Somehow, I know this will make up for it.

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  5. Wait, there's something wrong with talking about Cylons?? That takes up large portions of my productive day...

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Be compelling.

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