Sunday, September 04, 2005

I have more DVDs than God. Or, at least, more DVDs than Tom. Not that Tom is God-like. No, Tom is a bit more Kathryn Hepburn-like, but with DVDs - But I digress...

Having 6 pearly white chompers, and further having recently deciphered the mystic art of crawling, the howler monkey has now mastered the ever-pleasing game of "Eat Daddy's DVDs!" Her favorite, and apparently the best tasting of the collection, is of course Daddy's DVD of the Sci Fi Channel's re-imagined Battlestar Galactica Miniseries. I am beginning to suspect the toddler of being a Cylon.

Thus, off to the strip mall O'pleanty we headed this fine Sunday-morn, passing packed churches to slake our retail thirst, like the gaggle of pagans we are. In short, our quest was successful, and I came away with the necessary block-and-tackle to construct a more-than adequate baby-proof DVD restraint system.

However, as these things go, I came away with something else. Much to Strider's delight, we returned home with a large bag bearing the Petco logo, weighted down with a heavily misshapen parcel. Having unshipped the cargo, and making grand gestures while doing so, I presented to the dog what might very well be the largest, and certainly most obscene, rawhide monstrosity known to dog-kind.


Never has a dog known more happiness. Admittedly, he was a bit intimidated by the bull-cock-sized inanimate object at first, but now, some two hours later, he has already managed to sever and consume the first hide knot. I fully anticipate the whole to be history by the run of the weekend. Good Dog!

14 comments:

  1. It's actually quite sad how you envy my DVD collection.My films starring Katherine Hepburn alone outnumber your entire collection. In fact, I even own the corpse of Katherine Hepburn,which while not a DVD is at least worth the equivlent of one of your lame Buffy box sets.

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  2. Ah, but did you get her autograph before she died?

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  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  4. The more I think about it, wouldn't God have all the DVD's? If not, what DVD's does God not have? Is there a God with a complete DVD collection? Can you rent from Him?

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  5. If God owned every DVD he would have quite a porn collection. Would Jesus watch Ass Candy volume 7?

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  6. Well, if God is everywhere and sees everything, wouldn't he have already seen Ass Candy Volume 7 the last time you were watching it?

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  7. I was wearing a fake mustache, so I am fairly certain he thought I was someone else...

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  8. Anonymous9:53 PM

    All these comments and not one on the bull-cock-sized dog bone?

    Just saying......

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  9. Bull-Cock-Sized Dog Bone Update: The weekend is nearly over and we're down to about 8 inches. He has taken a number of long breaks, but is currently in full carnivore/predator/hide-slayer mode. It may be gone by morning.

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  10. Anonymous2:00 PM

    Did you buy that rawhide so Strider will stop with the knowing looks when you are sitting around without your pants on?

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  11. Hey anonymous, you really need to get the visual going with that Bull-Cock-Sized Dog Bone. Sure conjurs up a creative vision with dreamy-eyed Strider and Brian's baby soft exposed knees. Don't forget to imagine Brian may also be wearing Tom's fake mustache for effect.

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  12. Ah, the horror that I face in the mirror every morning...

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  13. Anonymous4:03 PM

    If you ask me - there is more sexual tension between Tom and Brian - than Strider and Brian - heck even more than Strider and the Bull-Cock-Sized Dog Bone.

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  14. Anonymous4:43 PM

    Sexual tension between Tom and Brian is nothing new. I'm sure Tom bought that fake mustache more for Brian and less to hide out from God.

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Be compelling.

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