Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Speed Blogging

The clock is set at 10 minutes: Go!

Here, I thought I was done. Finished. At the end of the of of the deluge of my household supply of that low-calorie nectar, Pepsi One. Damn them, those Mormons with their Taco Bell and their PepsiCo. Damn the black can and damn Splenda for making that single-calorie cola-taste possible. My Pantry is packed once again. Filled full and bursting with carbonated goodness. Who knew that cola was sold in Volkswagen-sized crates for casual consumption. Well, as it turns out, it is.

Oh, and in order to apparently check-in on the arrival and rate of consumption of the Borg-cube of sugarless refreshment, PepsiCo sent two Mormon agents to my door this evening. The ferocious guard dog, being keenly on alert, first wet himself, then tried to lick Elder Phil. Woulda humped his leg too, had I not slammed the door so quickly.

Ah, in my days of youth, back when I cared, I would have welcomed the white-shirted boys in for a go-around about the lost tribe of Jews coming to America, finding horses and elephants here, and then being cursed by god and turned into Indians, and all of the other fun business found in the Book of Mormon. Now, however, I was simply annoyed that they made me get my lard-ass off the couch, and distracted me from my Miami Vice DVD and my ice-cold Gin and Tonic...

Time is waning. Final note, to all of those smug smirking zealots out there, who know in their heart of hearts that God smote New Orleans because of, oh what, sin or something. Please read Genesis 9. It is there that the god of the bible made a covenant with Noah not to destroy the Earth by flood ever again. SOOOOO, either the flood earlier this month was a god-free random act of nature, in which vast amounts of water followed the rules of physics and ran down-hill, OR your god breaks promises. You choose. Times up.

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