Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Compensation



Rainman was based on real life. Dustin Hoffman's title character in Tom Cruise's magnum opus was based on an actual idiot savant who could memorize and recite entire telephone books.

And that, it seems, is the way of nature.

When one sense is lost, another takes its place. It is undisputed scientific fact that when someone loses their sight, they develope super hearing. When someone loses the sense of smell, they gain the unholy ability to fly. When someone loses their hair, they gain the ability to communicate telepathically with fish.

It's true.

It's in the Bible.

That is why I was not surprised this afternoon. Having spent the entire day slowly snipping at my blackened dead fingernail, incrementally exposing the scabby nailbed, millimeter by millimeter, I discovered something astonishing.

With each clipping cut and cast from my body, nature chose to compensate me for my loss. While I now have little more that a blacking purple stub of a nail on my right hand, I have in fact grown a sixth finger on my left.



Praise Jesus! Praise Him.

13 comments:

  1. LOL! That was an unexpected ending!

    ReplyDelete
  2. ok enough about your damn finger. We don't care...more boobs please

    ReplyDelete
  3. What did you get when you lost your ability to spell the word "develop?"

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ironic that you praise Jesus, given your feelings toward religion.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can't talk about Jesus. Attorney-client privilege rules apply.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I was really expecting an Inigo Montoya reference.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Someone from Australia looked up ass, and found your beautiful ass photo...which of course was there as a hallmark to people looking up ass. Hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous3:36 PM

    Does it feel like someone new when you masturbate?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Exactly why I don't want to know what you're doing with the "extra finger"

    ReplyDelete
  10. Since I haven't read a new blog in days I am getting smarter

    ReplyDelete
  11. Jesus... between your lack of blogging here and your radical Myspace changes, I can only assume that you have been abducted by aliens and have been replaced by some sort of replicant-type thing.

    ReplyDelete

Be compelling.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.