Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Voldemort

**Spoiler Free**

Although, not everyone has read the books through volume 6, so please use caution.

The fate of the latest dark lord to capture the popular imagination is at hand. No, I am not talking about the 2008 elections. Voldemort is near his mortal (muggle or magical) end, but in all likelihood, actually stands ready to take his place along side Darth Vader and Sauron in the cultural pantheon of Evil.

The frenzy is on. The 5th movie is making a bazillion dollars. THE BOOK, the 7th and final, is poised to make even more. The inevitable Canadian dumbass bookstore clerk has already shipped the unfortunate early copies. The leaks have erupted. The spoilers are out. 750 some-odd pages have been digitally photographed and released on line.

JK's global army of lawyers are at Def-Con 1. Cease-and-desist letters are flying.

Uber-geeks are gearing up for the the midnight costume-ball release. The waiting is finally near its end.

What will happen? Will Harry live or die? Is Snape's book-6-victim really dead? Was the prophecy really about Neville? All these answers and more will be available Saturday morning at 12:01 a.m.

Well, OK, they are available now.

Like a moth to a flame, flirting with disaster, risking the ultimate disappointment, I skirted and flitted around the spoiler posts surging forth from the nerdy-corner of the blogosphere.

Photos of the pages were posted. Conflicting photos with divergent text were also posted. Spoilers run amok. JK has stated publicly that two characters die. However, there have been enough death announcements in the past two days to suggest that, Hamlet-like, EVERYONE dies. Logically, that is highly unlikely. For better or for worse, I believe that the real spoilers have been diluted and disguised by an avalanche of bogus posts. You can't trust anything you read. So, I am keeping an open mind.
I'll wait for Friday night (Saturday morning)... I'll read the book the way it was meant to be read. Then, I'll wait for the rest of you to catch up.

In the mean time, here are my predictions, based solely upon my personal conjecture:
1) I believe that either Harry or his scar is the sixth and final Horcrux. Harry's mother represented the necessary triggering murder, and Harry has a "part of Voldemort" in him.

(Do you have any Dark Lord in you? Would you like some?)
Anyway, that would mean that Harry has to be destroyed in order to, uh, destroy Mr. V.

2) Snape is the hero. The obviousness surrounding Snape's complicity in the tragic events at the end of book 6 were transparent to the point of insult. Snapes' motivation to "save" Malfoy in the larger spiritual sense, combined with the victim's plea of "Snape please!" leaves no doubt as to Snape's allegiance. Really, if you are still doubting Snape's intentions, then you are either a 13-year-old girl, or you simply need to find something less-challenging to read.

That having been said, Snape, the tragic misunderstood underdog, will bear out, like Sam Gamgee, to be saver-of-the-day.


3) My prediction works out like this: having come to a realization about Snape's true nature, Harry conspires to get close to Voldemort. Harry, also having destroyed the other remaining Horcruxes finds some tragically heroic way of ending his own life, thus allowing Snape to throw the dark mojo at the Dark Lord, which in turn, violates Snape's oath, thus ending his own life. Voldemort's demise doesn't count toward the author's predicted body count, and we are left with a dead Harry and a dead Snape.

4) I also think that we find out, ironically, that the prophecy was about Longbottom.

5) I also predict that we will confirm that Snape's book-six victim is in fact really and truly dead.

6) Assuming Ron and Hermione survive, they get married. Hermione becomes headmaster.

7) Fred and George, while not excatly saving the day, open a can of wicked-powerful magical ass-whoopin.

8) Professor Trewlany doesn't see any of this coming...

If you need to reach me at midnight on Friday, you can find me on the street, in-line, next to Powell's City of Books. I'll save some pumpkin juice for you.

24 comments:

  1. I don't think Harry will die

    My death hit list -

    Ginny or at least one of the Weasleys, Hagrid, Snape, Neville

    I wont be queuing at midnight. I could still get it on the way to work at 6am and have it in my hands before you though - knew this international date line was good for something

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  2. Make sure to take your hit points and 12 sided dice.

    I'm sorry but I just dont get it.
    These are children's books right?

    Dude, you are the uber geek... but hey go have fun standing in that line.

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  3. Charon7:39 AM

    I have an 11 year old kid that thinks that your analysis is somewhat shallow and missing some points. She points out 1) There are seven horcruxes; 2) Hermione would be the Headmistress, not Headmaster; and 3) The prophesy is not about Neville.

    When I asked her if Harry dies, she walked over to my side and saw that I was at the G & T, and shut up. She said, “I don’t want my opinion posted on the Gin and Tonic. I don’t want anything to do with that.” And she walked away. She is happy to watch your kids, and likes you and your wife, but thinks the G & T is dumb.

    Oh yeah, I downloaded the entire book the other day. She said she did not want to read it. She would wait for her copy and read it like it was meant to be read.

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  4. Well there you go!! Even 11 year olds can't stand you. Well done.

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  5. Oosje9:14 AM

    I know the Gin & Tonic Family is positivilty GIDDY about the Friday night festivities. It's a tradition by now. Perhaps you will even all go to Powells and stand on the street at midnight long after the books are doggeared, thin and stained to relive the good 'ol days with your grandchildren!

    When we were young we would.....
    Of course, they'll be geeks too and be enthralled.

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  6. Well yes, I suppose the G&T is dumb. She has a point.

    I stand, however, by my horcrux count. V's soul was divided into 7 parts. 6 stored in horcruxes. 1 retained for himself.

    And just to be clear, yes, I have been to a Star Trek convention. Yes, I have watched all 14 hours of the extended Lord of the Rings DVDs in one sitting. Yes, I had Mulder and Scully action figures on top of my wedding cake.

    Geek is, as geek does...

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  7. ...you also wore a skirt to your wedding...

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  8. I'm avoiding spoilers. Amazon is delivering my book Saturday. I, like your 11 year old nemesis, will wait and read it the proper way.

    As for your predictions:
    1. Harry is a horcrux, but I don't think he will die.
    2. Snape IS good (I don't know if "hero" is the right word)
    3. Snape may die, but Harry won't...Snape will die trying to save Harry.
    4. JKR already said the prophecy was NOT about Longbottom.
    5. Yes, he really is dead.
    6. Hermione becomes headMISTRESS
    7. That's whoop-ass!
    8. She never does!

    Have fun tomorrow night.

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  9. The 11 year old in question is dragging out her entourage for an evening of HP festivities at the public library to count down the hours to book release. SHE ponied up the cash difference to pre-order the book at full price to support a local, independent book seller. At 12:02 am Saturday I will be handing her a nice fluffy coffee beverage so she can read through the night. Once she sets it down, the book is mine.

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  10. Mrs. G&T10:24 AM

    My hit list in order:
    1. Snape (only after full redemption)
    2. Hagrid (too loveable to live)
    3. Neville (who, by the way, was NOT the original subject of the prophecy, a matter that was fully answered by the prophecy itself in book 5, page 842)
    4. Fred and/or George Weasley (With Mrs. Weasley's clock and her boggart fears revealed, at least one Weasley needs to go. It won't be Ron or Ginny - see below - and Arther, Bill, Charlie & Percy aren't loved enough by the readers for their deaths to have the appropriate impact. Plus, Fred and George have wanted into this fight more than any other character, and they are bad-ass wizards despite their poor academic performance).

    Harry will not die because:
    1. The prophecy requires one, but not both to die.
    2. Harry, or his scar, is the sixth and final Horcrux (yes, I agree with Mr. G&T's count, book 6, page 503), but there there has to be some kind of de-horcruxification, probably performed by Voldemort, perhaps with the help of Snape, in the final battle just before Snape kills Voldemort.

    Ron, Hermione and Ginny will also not die. JKR has worked too hard to set up that family and will allow them to live their lives.

    RAB is Regelus Black, Sirius's estranged Death Eater brother. He stole the locket and brought it home, to 12 Grimmauld Place. The Order found it and tossed it in book 5, but Kreacher rescued it from the rubbish and it remains buried amongst the filth in his room. Either that, or it was stolen by Mundungus Fletcher and sold to the barman at the Hog's Head in Hogsmeade.

    Having not died, what will Harry do? Harry will not go on to be an Auror, but instead will be Hogwarts' Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

    Geek love at the G&T house.

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  11. I'm just hoping that Ginny and Hermione explore their inner curiosities, and make out behind Hagrid's shack...

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  12. Tom and I will be dropping the baby off at grandma's very early Saturday morning - the other kids will be with their dad. No kids all weekend ... just Tom, Harry and I ... now that's geek love.

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  13. Mr. Obvious1:34 PM

    There's a Tom, Dick, And Harry joke in there somewhere...

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  14. I was going to ask where dick came into it but then I realised its a kid free weekend..

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  15. Im not convinced Harry is a horcrux

    In the Horcrux chapter in book 6(page 473 - British version)
    Dumbledore and Harry discuss the 6 Horcruxes (yep, Im with Mr and Mrs G and T on this one)

    1 and 2 are his diary and the slytherin ring - both destroyed

    3 and 4 are guessed to be in the Hufflepuff cup and the Slytherin locket

    Horcrux 5 they think will be something pertaining to Ravenclaw or Gryffindor

    Dumbledore muses that Harry was supposed to be the killing that made the sixth Horcrux as he seemed to have reserved the process of making horcruxes for particularly significant deaths. Dumbledore doesn't mention Harry's parents deaths. He then goes on to explain how he believes he made Nagini into the 6th horcrux when he killed the old muggle man

    When Harry queried the use of an animal as a Horcrux, Dumbledore states its inadvisable to put a piece of your soul into something that can think and move

    So, if Dumbledores calculations are right, the last unknown Horcrux is not Harry but an object of Ravenclaws or Gryffindors, more likely Ravenclaw as Gryffindors sword, the only known relic, is in Dumbledore's possession

    hmm, feels good to geek out

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  16. Whoa, check out the big brains on Lisa...

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  17. deuceworks5:31 PM

    I blissfully have no idea what you are all talking about. Really. Not a clue. Ahhh, to finally join the normal people. Delight.

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  18. I don't know if this lines me up with Deuce... but, I am completely without bearings in this discussion.

    Hey - you want to wax poetic about traffic, nudes of Dita Von Teese, or even the occassional question of tropical fish - I'm with you, even happy to share a thought or two.

    I can only say here - I know that there will be many folks who I can only reach by voicemail or unanswered emails by Sunday...

    Happy hunting to you all, but I will be following my traditional quests of cocktail recipies, news and online porn.

    Cheers.

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  19. Mrs. G&T9:08 PM

    Hmmm. Lisa might have something in her Horcrux count. However, I think that they are:

    1. Diary
    2. Ring
    3. Locket
    4. Hufflepuff cup
    5. Nagini
    6. Harry

    He found the Ravenclaw relic and had it on hand when he attempted to kill Harry, but the spell was altered by Harry's mother and Harry ended up as the Horcrux, although Voldemort doesn't know that "he has powers the Dark Lord knows not."

    The Gryffindor sword comes into play again somehow in this book.

    Oh, and I was wrong before. Snape can't kill Voldemort. The prophecy says that "either must die at the hands of the other..."

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  20. Mrs. G&T9:10 PM

    Oh, and Lisa, we might call on you to help us smuggle the "real" version into the States. Yes, I do consider the British versions as purer than the American ones. I was quite offended when I learned that they "translated" into "American".

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  21. I believe it was Dave, two years ago, who announced the identity of the Halfblood Prince. I do not believe his innocense for a second.

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  22. Talk about obvious - of course Dave is never innocent.

    Well if Mrs. Tom says the stork is coming because of the "hide the pickel" activities over the weekend - you already have a few names to pick from Harry, Snape, Hermione....etc.

    And just give Dr. Bri his award already.

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  23. Book smuggling can be arranged.

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  24. Hide the pickle? I prefer a "magic wand" weekend, it's more thematic. And by the way, no more children for us ... we're not the Weasleys.

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Be compelling.

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