Tuesday, July 24, 2007

And Just A Brief Word About Paris Hilton

Paris, it seems, is normal.

Well, not exactly normal in the same sense that you or I may be normal. You, that is, unless you are Carl or Dr. B.... But normal nonetheless.

Sure, she has enough money to buy human beings for furniture. Sure, she is famous in places where people still wear bamboo clothing and eat neighboring tribes. Sure she gets paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to simply "appear" at social gatherings.


I say this because, in all fairness, one should only be judged by and in contrast to one's own peers.

And just who exactly are her peers?

Well, for starters, there is her good pal Lindsay.

Sure, Lindsay is a hot piece of ass. And sure, her breath probably smells more like cum than a ripe Carob tree in August, but really, what the hell is wrong with her?? Two back-to-back DUI charges, one with a hit-and-run, cocaine possession, transporting narcotics, driving while suspended, and fleeing the scene of an accident??

She is facing six years of hard prison time, which will play hell on her contract with Disney...

Oh, and Britney.

Not to be out-paparazzied, she's building steam, and getting ready to blow. Seems that this Friday, OK! magazine will be publishing an article covering their own ordeal last week with the former singing sensation. During a publicity interview/photo shoot arranged by Britney herself, she came entirely unhinged. Rails off tracks. Asses over tea kettles.

While OK! tends to shelter the fragile famous from the harsh glare of reality, they will be posting the entire glossy train wreck in their Friday edition. Hurry! Run to the news stand now!

So, Paris, it seems, at least in comparison to her peers, is really quite normal.

Most of the bits in this post were lifted in their entirety from What would Tyler Durden do, which is OK, because that guy rips all of his shit off from TMZ...


  1. I haven't smelled a carob tree lately but I will take your word on that one.

  2. I think you scared away your regular readers...well done.

  3. Are Lohan's boobs real?

    Ive been staring at them all day..

  4. Real. Yes. and Freckly!

  5. Under your theory, the only thing about Paris that is not "normal" per peers is that she has real, small boobs and no tan to speak of.


Be compelling.

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