Monday, July 10, 2006

Dinnertime Conversation

Over turkey, pastrami and avocado sandwiches, we kept half an eye on the reruns of Dark Angel playing on the SciFi channel. As is common at the Gin & Tonic geek-heavy headquaters, the following conversation ensued...

"So, who wins if Sidney Bristow (Alias) has to fight Max (Dark Angel)?"

"Well Max, obviously, she's genetically altered, but that's not the fight you want to see."

"I don't?"


"Oh, I want to see Max fight Six from BSG."

"No. Well, Max takes that one too, but no."

"Who then?"


"Max fight River Tam (Firefly)? Yesss.... I see the truth of it."

"It's a close one though, they're both altered. They're both conditioned to kill."

"Yes, but Max escaped at an earlier age. She had less training."

"River has the strength, tactics and strategy. River can also turn off her morality, like a switch."

"River then."

"Yes, River."

[Silence, as we weigh our collective geek-shame. We look at the baby. She has developed the new skill of spearing her Cheerios with tiny ears of baby corn.]

I propose: "Buffy (Vampire Slayer) could take River."

[surprisingly, while my wife bears an unhealthy obsession for all things Buffy, she actually doubts this.]

"Buffy doesn't have the training, and she's burdened with morality."

"It does get in the way, but Buffy is endowed by ancient spirits to throw down with vampires, demons, and minor deities."

"I don't know, River is smarter. She has superior strategic skills."



"No, she was defeated by Oz."

"No, that was vampire-Willow. I mean evil-witch Willow."

"Worse, she was defeated by Xander."


[We look back at the Monkey.]

"There's really no hope for our daughter is there?"

"Nope. She's doomed."

Reading for Comprehension:
1. What do you spear your Cherrios with?
2. Hmmm... River vs. Chuck Norris...
3. I still think Buffy could take River


  1. 1. I don’t eat cheerios. I am more into the Apple-O’s, the bagged fake Apple Jacks.

    2. River v. Chuck Norris ? That is dumb. Like when Marvel Comics and D.C. did a cross over. Batman does not fight Magneto. But I take River.

    3. I saw the movie. I have never seen the TV show. Nor have I seen any episode of BSG or Alias.

    But -

    Lelu. Lelu v River - Lelu takes her.

  2. Ohmigawd. your kid can't play with my kids anymore. Okay, lets face it. My kids are just as doomed. Quinn already reads Narnia and plays chess. Gabe, however, will be seriously kick ass. Hell, I bet he could take Brian right now. At the b-day party Sunday, Brian vs. Gabe, throw down match in the bouncy tent. Ew, That sounded creepy. Ew.

  3. oooh, Lelu... Interesting...

  4. Anonymous10:01 AM

    Six (BSG) v. Seven (ST:Voy)

  5. Who even has the biggest boobs always wins. So in this case, Ev

  6. I could beat River

    It's easy - say the words that make her sleep THEN kiss her ass

  7. Mrs. G&T2:11 PM

    You know, somewhere in the middle of this conversation, I wondered whether I would see this on the blog. When I saw the title, I wondered how much embellishment it would take. Surprisingly, none at all.

    1. Carrots? Twizzlers? The options are endless.

    2. As Napoleon Dynamite would say "Idiot!"

    3. Buffy could only take River if River were doing something evil. Buffy doesn't fight humans without a reason.

    4. At least the Monkey has one thing going for her. The message here is clearly "Girls kick ass".

  8. Anonymous2:51 PM

    Some other kick-ass females to consider:

    1. Alice (Resident Evil)
    2. Trinity
    3. The Borg Queen
    4. Charlie's Angels
    5. Emma Peel
    6. The women in the X-men
    7. Lassie
    8. Powerpuff Girls

  9. Professor Xavier3:38 PM

    Pheonix. Although Jean Grey (before the entity Pheonix) could take River Tam as well.

    Although I would like to see Lisa kiss River Tam's ass - girl on girl porn is cool.

  10. Anonymous forgets Wonder Woman and Lady Penelope of the Thunderbirds

    and Professor Xavier, my mind was obviously on other things...

  11. Professor Xavier5:41 PM

    Lisa, I know your mind. . . . . [rubs temples and concentrates] . . . we'll keep your last thought private. ;-)

  12. God, you are all losers.

  13. 1.) I stay away from "O" shaped and fruty cereal. There was an incident when I was two involving Fruit Loops, dizziness and vomit.

    2.) River v. Chuck Noris wouldn't happen. River would get pregnant by Chuck Noris not through intercourse, but merely by being is in awesome manhood presence. It is called the immaculate conception. Their children would be natural born Augment as showcased in Star Trek Enterprise, except they are not genetically chosen. Chuck Noris would then refuse to fight the mother of his children and River would withhold striking the father of her children.

    3. River. Sarah Michelle Gellar is fragile.

  14. I'm so going to win as Queen of the geeks with this next comment......but then again - what do I have to lose - BS already let everyone know about my secret weapon of the big "hoots".

    Now maybe no-one knows who she is but in the last couple of episodes of the TV show Angel one of the characters (FRED) became - Illyria - and she was the total kick ass package.

    If it's a question of biggest cans - that would have to go to Laura Croft.

    I'm going to go back into my geek hole now and wait for death.....thanks.

  15. No. The biggest cans are on Power Girl. Everyone knows this. My kung fu is geek.


Be compelling.

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