Sunday, July 16, 2006

525,600 Minutes

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?

525,600 Minutes. This is the approximate amount of time that "Rent," that insipid over-indulgent whiny preachy self-absorbed Indulg-O-Rama musical, seemed to last. Sure I caught the theatrical version on DVD this weekend, but holy christ, it went nowhere and it never ended.

After the first interminable act, which covered approximately 7 days, it looked like the little tale was at an end. Oh, but no. We still had an entire YEAR of La Boheme left to endure.

Look, I'm all about Beauty Truth and Love. Hurray for the bohemian ideal. Be and let be. Down with rampant homogeneity. But let's be realistic. Let's get the facts straight.

1. If you simply must quit your $3,000 per week job at a network news service because you absolutely MUST finish your shitty home movie about your dysfunctional friends, I simply will not have sympathy for you when you get evicted for not paying your rent.

2. The guy who grows up and gets a job, is not the bad guy.

3. Yes, HIV is a horrible disease, but it does not infect 7 out of every 8 people. Also, if you really want to fight it, you're going to need a few highly-funded corporate research facilities to do the work. Oh, and that's going to require more people with real jobs. Just sayin...

4. A couple of songs with non-rhyming lyrics is edgy and avant garde. Two entire musical acts without any rhyming lyrics is irritating and leads to a head ache.

5. Not all black female lawyers are lesbians. Also, not all women who break up with cute protagonist boys are lesbians either. Cliche isn't the same as art.

6. Men at strip clubs do not hoot, holler, cat-call, or waive their arms in the air like baboons, no matter how strong the pop media cliche is.

7. If you did not pay last year's rent, have not paid this year's rent, and declare publicly that you will not pay next year's rent, you will get evicted. Period. End of Story. (well, I wish it was the end of the story, but holy hell...)

8. Long hair, leather jacket and a guitar do not make you a rock star. If you haven't been able to write a song in two years, I'm guessing you're probably not even a musician. Really, it's time to get a job.

What worries me most about all of this is that Rent has been one of the biggest Broadway shows of my generation. I mean, WHO buys into this?? Someone (many someones) have watched this show and thought to themselves, "Ya, this really speaks to me. I really get it. I need to see this again." It just makes me sad.

Oh god, that was 2 1/2 hours of my life that I'll never get back.

Reading for Comprehension:
1. Have you ever told a panhandler to "get a job?"
2. Do you believe in Beauty, Truth and Love?
3. Do you hoot like a baboon in strip clubs?


  1. Anonymous11:22 PM

    So, uh, I'm guessing you didn't like it . . .

  2. I watched Howel's Moving Castle by Miyazaki. It sounds like the DVD's were very similar. But instead of AIDS it has demons. Instead of freeloading squatters, it has a moving castle that walks. Instead of singing, there are wizards, witches and a war.

    And instead of sucking, it was pretty good.

    The Howler Monkey should be watching them soon. Raise her right.

  3. I am so inspired by the story in Rent, that I think I will stop payment my mortgage. I think, especially once they come and evict me, that there first thoughts I will have, are about singing and dancing through the streets.

    Didn't I see that in some Fame re-runs...?

  4. 1) NO but I had one tell me he was happy to see I was off my cutches when I had knee surgery.

    2)I haven't seen the play/movie - are those three hot sisters?

    3)NO but I did yell to have Dave "take it off" at his last show.

  5. Anonymous3:30 PM

    1. No. Panhandling is a job. There is even a standard job description. Don't bathe. Be chemicaly altered at all times. Slur or mutter to one's self. Pee in doorways. Hold poorly written cardboard sign that ends with "God bless" or some other platitude. Defend territory from other panhandlers.

    2. No. I believe in magic in a young girl's heart. How the music can free her, whenever it starts.

    3. No. I only do that during sex or when I'm watching men's swimming events.

  6. gdajb5:44 PM

    1. Yes, and I think he did. Apparently his job description was spitting into my Whopper at Burger King for not giving him dough on the street.

    2. Yes, though I enjoy the portrayal in Moulin Rouge best.

    3. Yes, but on the inside. Only on the inside. And only during those...special times.

    My Word Verification is "gdajb"...sounded a bit to me like "get a job..."

  7. Have you not learned to suspend disbelief while watching a Hollywood/Broadway musical? You certainly have the ability to do so while watching Buffy or Smallville. Can you escape the Nazis during a singing competition? Do rival street gangs hold singing dancing rumbles? Do midgets really represent the Lollipop Guild? The answer to all of those questions is yes, so perhaps they are bad examples. The reality is that Rent modernized the Broadway musical. It took a look at prevalent social issues, focused on unique and energized staging and stepped away from a traditional orchestrated score. Is it a little hokey? Of course, what musical isn't? Does the "issues" it tackles seem magnified beyond reality? Yep. But some of the millions of people who have seen it have developed a better sense of tolerance or understanding. Maybe you're just getting too old and conservative to appreciate a musical you didn't see before you were twelve. Maybe you've just become the man. If you want to talk about music that's insipid over-indulgent and whiny, why not a discussion of the Dave Matthews Band? I mean, what kind of person would camp overnight every year to see the yuppie Grateful Dead?

  8. gdajb9:01 PM

    You know, Brian, Tom has a point. About the DMB that is. And you getting old and conservative. And about you having a small penis. No, Tom didn't mention that last one in his post but I hear it is true, anyway.

  9. Oh, now, if only Dave Matthews would write a musical...

  10. why the hell would you have even started to watch this movie - it reeks of crap from behind it's plastic coated rental box, not to mention all the drama geeks in high-school who had their black Rent t-shirts that they wore at least twice a week.

    I ask bums for money before they can ask me - it confuses them long enough so that I can walk by untouched.

  11. Anonymous11:42 PM

    I agree with Tom.

    I have to go shoot myself now.


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