Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Not-So-Laminated

Since the early days if the blog, the semi-anual re-shuffling of the laminated has become a sort of tradition, a public display of my fickle and fluid tastes. The last list was listed in July, you may recall, heralding the departure of long-time front runner, Nicole Kidman.

It is time, at last, for a new list. However, the last list will be hard to improve upon. In case you don't know, the laminated list is a list of five opposite-sex celebrities that I call-out in advance, and if I get the opportunity to hook up with one of them, the laminated list is my implied permit to do so. Two catches: First, the missus gets her own list. Second, I have to name a same-sex alternate to validate the list.

Those are the rules

So, here is the updated list.

1. Scarlett Johansson
The whole Natalie Portman kiss thing, only improved her standings...

Scarlett Johansson
2.
Christina Ricci
Yes, I was in fact the only person in America to enjoy Black Snake Moan.

Christina Ricci
3.
Dita Von Teese
It's not smut. It's performance art.
dita
4.
Jenna Fischer
Really, it's Pam, her character on the office, but you can't have a one-night laminated list encounter with a TV character.
Check out Mr. Gin-&-Tonic... making copies...


5.
Mary Louise Parker
Look, I adore Maggie Gyllenhaal, but someone had to go. She's recently gained weight, and so, it had to be her. Mary Louise Parker has been flipping my patties since she played the lesbian fry-cook in Fried Green Tomatoes. The sad smile. The doe eyes. The up-tilted nose. She should have been on the list from the start.
Perfect
Finally, here comes the gay...
Originally, my gay pick was Jeremy Piven. Then, I was drawn by the force, as it were, to Ewan McGregor. And recently, I've been a little gay for Obama. However, the one true undeniable same sex alternate has to be the shirtless wonder, Matthew McConaughey

Matthew Mcconaughey

12 comments:

  1. Y'know, normally your laminate list reflects the complete opposite of what I find attractive, but I have to admit, your choices for #4 and 5 strike my fancy, too!

    p.s. were you really serious about Jeremy Piven?

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  2. Anonymous10:07 AM

    Matthew McConaughey is hot. Very good choice Mr. G&T.

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  3. Food alternate: Articoke
    Appliance alternate: Blender
    animal alternate: koala bear
    car alternate: 1969 camaro
    office supply alternate: Stapler
    song alternate: This charming man

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  4. Anonymous11:27 AM

    Mary louise parker? um...ok

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  5. 69 Camaros are for pussies. 68 or nothing, baby!

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  6. Does Mary Louise Parker's presence mean that you finally started watching Weeds?

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  7. Okay, I too enjoyed Black Snake Moan.

    These women are pretty, but what is your deal with Maggie Gyllenhaal gaining weight? Oh that's right... you like em a little anorexic. I forgot.

    Matthew is a handsome man, but I somehow get the impression that his breath stinks. I don't know why.

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  8. What happened to the mom of that 70's show?

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  9. Allie, shhhh, don't tell anyone, but my comments about Maggie were a gag. she actually got pregnant, thus my insensitive comments about her weight. My misanthropic criticism was ironic, and the source of great humor.

    I bumped her because someone had to go, and I couldn't find any good pictures of her.

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  10. Dave! RS/SS 396 12 bolt posi and a cowel induction hood... Sounds like a scence from Dazed and Confused by Brian's gay alternate.

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  11. Wooderson10:51 AM

    Man, it's the same bullshit they tried to pull in my day. If it ain't that piece of paper, there's some other choice they're gonna try and make for you. You gotta do what Randall Pink Floyd wants to do man. Let me tell you this, the older you do get the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow. You just gotta keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N.

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  12. Your first 3 are out and out dead hot sexy, your last 2 girl next door, butter wouldn't melt type of girls - interesting

    and yes to McConaughey but no way hotter than my Ewan

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Be compelling.

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